[He loves being an idol. He wants to make people smile, no matter what. The touch to the side of his head and face is so gentle that he's frozen by it, meeting Ryuu's eyes with his own, widened slightly with genuine emotion.]
I do. It was seeing those shining idols on stage that gave meaning to my life, and I'd like to create the same feeling in others. To have people stretching to reach what seems impossible, to make it seem as though it's easy.
[His hand reaches up to cover Ryuu's, a feather light touch.]
But I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I never want to take precious friendships for granted. I don't want to end up alone.
I believe that you're saying I shouldn't hold onto those feelings, but... do I have the right to let them go? Isn't that the same as casting the suffering of everyone else aside? For those who are too eager to forgive, especially...
[ his hand is sleep-warm and steady, not as tense for eichi's admittance. ]
Because you're an idol, you should pour all those things into your songs and dances. Everything - your worries, your regrets, your wishes. If you think it seems impossible to let go of those feelings, do it in a way that shows you're serious. Do what seems impossible with your whole heart, and no one will be able to look away from you.
[ and for eichi, there's nothing he approaches more seriously than being an idol worthy of following, of listening to, is there? ryuu thinks so. ]
Whether or not those people you're trying to apologize to accept it, if they're idols, they'll understand. I think you can do that.
...and when you've made mistakes that can't be taken back, the most important thing you can face the world with is love.
["Do what seems impossible with your whole heart, and no one will be able to look away from you." All of Ryuu's words slide directly into his heart and warm him from the core, but those ones especially turn on a light in the back of the dark spaces in his mind. Of course... his whole life has been doing the impossible, so why would this be any different?
It's not going to make the nightmares stop. It's not going to make him stop feeling bad. But... he thinks it might help him with a step towards those things. And maybe, even if more people like Leo appear who forget everything about what they worked out, he won't have to fumble nearly as much with trying to understand how to move forward. Maybe he can go to karaoke with Tsumugi now, even if it won't make up for the past. Things like that... little bits of happiness like that should be okay for him to chase, right?
To be honest, he's at a loss for words for once. It's a rare thing, though it matches with the fact that normally, the less he says, the more he's thinking. He has to react somehow, though, and so with a gentle smile, he lets his hand slip away from Ryuu's and then leans forward instead...
To fall into him for a hug so suddenly that it might even be enough to knock Ryuu off the arm propping him up. Love... He does love this world and everyone in it. He decided that after a lot of struggling with it. Trickstar had helped with that, too. The new fine, as well. The next time he's woken from a nightmare, he'll try to remember these words, even if he's alone in the moment...
[ never has it felt so good to have the wind knocked out of him. halfway barreled back onto his side, ryuu wraps his arms around eichi and squeezes him so tightly that he worries it might be too much, for a moment. but it's not, right? because he thinks he's finally gotten his point across in a way that he's satisfied with, in a manner that eichi can believe in. ryuu takes in a big breath and releases an even bigger breath, rolling them over into a tangle of warmth and sheets.
the world isn't often a kind place, but it's worth loving, to him. there's too much he loves in it to think otherwise, and his embrace is trying to convey that with every ounce of helpful strength he has. eichi is young. that world is at his fingertips. if he can see him grasp it, it'd have all been worth it. ]
I told you, didn't I?
[ he buries his face comfortably into his shoulder. ]
[Everything is warm, and he laughs into the tumble, but his face is the hottest right now. So reassuring... It's everything he's always wanted to hear that everyone else seems to struggle with. Because he's difficult to speak to? Because he attracts tsunderes? He's not really sure.
But it's so comforting. Ryuu's presence is so comforting... He tugs him as close as he can, legs shifting to bury themselves more beneath the covers, tangling with Ryuu's.]
You did tell me that. [Quietly, he says that, squeezing him right back.]
I think I can rest easy, after hearing that. [He's honestly so, so tired... His grip is already slipping a little to show that, eyes drifting closed.] You should go back to sleep now, as well... Ahh, you're so warm.
[ not being used to sleeping arrangements like this makes ryuu want to grasp onto the moment a little more. he's glad he's here, and that eichi is settling back in just as they are. it really is so warm, all fit together like this, leg for leg beneath the blankets. all the will to be alert and awake drops out of him almost as soon as eichi calms in his arms. something like this acts as a soothing blanket for his heart, too. ]
You're warm too. [ it's enough to hold him without a meandering touch this time. he closes his eyes, smiling a bit. ] Okay, just a couple more hours.
[ with a nod and a tuck of the blankets around them more snugly, ryuu sighs out something that's nearly half a yawn. ]
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no subject
[He loves being an idol. He wants to make people smile, no matter what. The touch to the side of his head and face is so gentle that he's frozen by it, meeting Ryuu's eyes with his own, widened slightly with genuine emotion.]
I do. It was seeing those shining idols on stage that gave meaning to my life, and I'd like to create the same feeling in others. To have people stretching to reach what seems impossible, to make it seem as though it's easy.
[His hand reaches up to cover Ryuu's, a feather light touch.]
But I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I never want to take precious friendships for granted. I don't want to end up alone.
I believe that you're saying I shouldn't hold onto those feelings, but... do I have the right to let them go? Isn't that the same as casting the suffering of everyone else aside? For those who are too eager to forgive, especially...
no subject
[ his hand is sleep-warm and steady, not as tense for eichi's admittance. ]
Because you're an idol, you should pour all those things into your songs and dances. Everything - your worries, your regrets, your wishes. If you think it seems impossible to let go of those feelings, do it in a way that shows you're serious. Do what seems impossible with your whole heart, and no one will be able to look away from you.
[ and for eichi, there's nothing he approaches more seriously than being an idol worthy of following, of listening to, is there? ryuu thinks so. ]
Whether or not those people you're trying to apologize to accept it, if they're idols, they'll understand. I think you can do that.
...and when you've made mistakes that can't be taken back, the most important thing you can face the world with is love.
[ not remorse, or bitterness, or fear. ]
That's the precious kind of rival I want to have.
no subject
It's not going to make the nightmares stop. It's not going to make him stop feeling bad. But... he thinks it might help him with a step towards those things. And maybe, even if more people like Leo appear who forget everything about what they worked out, he won't have to fumble nearly as much with trying to understand how to move forward. Maybe he can go to karaoke with Tsumugi now, even if it won't make up for the past. Things like that... little bits of happiness like that should be okay for him to chase, right?
To be honest, he's at a loss for words for once. It's a rare thing, though it matches with the fact that normally, the less he says, the more he's thinking. He has to react somehow, though, and so with a gentle smile, he lets his hand slip away from Ryuu's and then leans forward instead...
To fall into him for a hug so suddenly that it might even be enough to knock Ryuu off the arm propping him up. Love... He does love this world and everyone in it. He decided that after a lot of struggling with it. Trickstar had helped with that, too. The new fine, as well. The next time he's woken from a nightmare, he'll try to remember these words, even if he's alone in the moment...
So after a deep breath, he does add:] Thank you.
no subject
the world isn't often a kind place, but it's worth loving, to him. there's too much he loves in it to think otherwise, and his embrace is trying to convey that with every ounce of helpful strength he has. eichi is young. that world is at his fingertips. if he can see him grasp it, it'd have all been worth it. ]
I told you, didn't I?
[ he buries his face comfortably into his shoulder. ]
Anytime.
no subject
[Everything is warm, and he laughs into the tumble, but his face is the hottest right now. So reassuring... It's everything he's always wanted to hear that everyone else seems to struggle with. Because he's difficult to speak to? Because he attracts tsunderes? He's not really sure.
But it's so comforting. Ryuu's presence is so comforting... He tugs him as close as he can, legs shifting to bury themselves more beneath the covers, tangling with Ryuu's.]
You did tell me that. [Quietly, he says that, squeezing him right back.]
I think I can rest easy, after hearing that. [He's honestly so, so tired... His grip is already slipping a little to show that, eyes drifting closed.] You should go back to sleep now, as well... Ahh, you're so warm.
no subject
You're warm too. [ it's enough to hold him without a meandering touch this time. he closes his eyes, smiling a bit. ] Okay, just a couple more hours.
[ with a nod and a tuck of the blankets around them more snugly, ryuu sighs out something that's nearly half a yawn. ]
Goodnight, Eichi-kun.