[Kaede blinks owlishly at the way Ryuu pauses, wondering if he’s somehow done something wrong by never having either. He’s... Seen them on offer, since arriving here, and he had never considered trying them. They were unnecessary - why would he take them over water, which has suited him just fine for the past 21 years?
Still, he has to wonder if he’s made a mistake somehow.]
...Okay. That sounds good.
[...Ah.
He turns his gaze away from Ryuu, raising a hand to his cheek. There’s... There’s no way out of this, is there? The thought of continuing to lie to Ryuu feels almost painful with the way his stomach twists, and he sighs as the illusion falls away. He’s paler than usual, and there’s the faint tremble of the exhaustion that’s settled over him.]
...It’s exhausting. It takes everything from you in a way it never has before.
[Magic was so important to him, that he’s at least glad he still has it. But he kind of hates it, that it drains him of so much manna and leaves him exhausted and unlike himself. He drops his hand to lap, threading his fingers together.]
[ though his gut had been telling him something was off, he doesn't look happy about being proven right when kaede finally lifts the veil on his true condition. his expression shifts, worry settling on his face. it might seem like ryuu is the type to scold in situation where someone pushes themselves beyond their limit, but in this case - ryuu realizes he doesn't know kaede well enough to just assume. especially not when he looks so worn out, taxed by this world's price for the comfort of something from home.
gentle and coaxing, ryuu speaks up from the kitchen again. ]
...that you can't use your magic like you're used to, it must be frustrating for you, right?
[ and he came all the way here like that. for his sake? his hesitation is brief, but he does move out from behind the counter to approach him, dry tea and full kettle left behind. when close enough, ryuu kneels down and gazes up at him, trying to get a better look at his face. ]
Kaede. Can I...?
[ ryuu holds out both of his hands to him, palms up. even just a small spark of manna to fill out his strength would be enough for him. ]
[The look on Ryuu’s face just makes the guilt worse, and he can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s failed him some how. He looks away, staring at the glasses on the table, and nods slowly at the question. It’s so incredibly frustrating, to have limits placed on the only reason he exists.
If he can’t use his magic the way he’s supposed to, what good is he?
He flinches when Ryuu comes close, expecting the worst even though he wants to doubt Ryuu wouldn’t punish him for his failures. The fear is plain on his face, until he schools his features into something more neutral. He... Can handle whatever is to come.
Or so he thought.
He looks back at Ryuu, blinking stupidly for a moment.]
Aren’t you angry?
[He hesitates for a moment, before placing his hands on Ryuu’s. Carefully, as if he’s preparing to pull away at any moment.]
[ ryuu isn't entirely sure what kaede must have endured where he came from, but the fleeting way he accepts the touch of his hands makes him - sad. not that he'd been met with trepidation, but that he must've been treated in such a way to make gentleness an uncommon thing. a thing worth rejecting for fear of retaliation.
closing his fingers beneath kaede's hands as he accepts them, his thumbs rest atop delicate skin and bone when his gaze flicks up, brightened in confusion. ]
Angry? Is that what you think I am?
[ he thinks he feels it, even if only a little... the inadequacy, the defeat in allowing him to help.
but he doesn't allow synchrony to delve in too far. he would prefer to hear it. ]
I... [He doesn’t understand, not really, why Ryuu would be worried about him... He doesn’t think anyone’s ever worried about him before - or they’ve never said as much, at least.
He’s not sure what to say. He looks down at their hands, at the differences between them, and he’s at a loss for words. He’s sure the confusion is coming across, not quite able to hide how he feels across their bonds, and lets out a breath.]
I’m sorry. I was... Sure I wouldn’t get hurt, if it’s any consolation, or that if I could I would have recovered.
[Now is probably not the time to say he’s used to getting hurt, so he just falls silent again.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Still, he has to wonder if he’s made a mistake somehow.]
...Okay. That sounds good.
[...Ah.
He turns his gaze away from Ryuu, raising a hand to his cheek. There’s... There’s no way out of this, is there? The thought of continuing to lie to Ryuu feels almost painful with the way his stomach twists, and he sighs as the illusion falls away. He’s paler than usual, and there’s the faint tremble of the exhaustion that’s settled over him.]
...It’s exhausting. It takes everything from you in a way it never has before.
[Magic was so important to him, that he’s at least glad he still has it. But he kind of hates it, that it drains him of so much manna and leaves him exhausted and unlike himself. He drops his hand to lap, threading his fingers together.]
It drains your manna, so you can’t use much.
no subject
gentle and coaxing, ryuu speaks up from the kitchen again. ]
...that you can't use your magic like you're used to, it must be frustrating for you, right?
[ and he came all the way here like that. for his sake? his hesitation is brief, but he does move out from behind the counter to approach him, dry tea and full kettle left behind. when close enough, ryuu kneels down and gazes up at him, trying to get a better look at his face. ]
Kaede. Can I...?
[ ryuu holds out both of his hands to him, palms up. even just a small spark of manna to fill out his strength would be enough for him. ]
no subject
If he can’t use his magic the way he’s supposed to, what good is he?
He flinches when Ryuu comes close, expecting the worst even though he wants to doubt Ryuu wouldn’t punish him for his failures. The fear is plain on his face, until he schools his features into something more neutral. He... Can handle whatever is to come.
Or so he thought.
He looks back at Ryuu, blinking stupidly for a moment.]
Aren’t you angry?
[He hesitates for a moment, before placing his hands on Ryuu’s. Carefully, as if he’s preparing to pull away at any moment.]
no subject
closing his fingers beneath kaede's hands as he accepts them, his thumbs rest atop delicate skin and bone when his gaze flicks up, brightened in confusion. ]
Angry? Is that what you think I am?
[ he thinks he feels it, even if only a little... the inadequacy, the defeat in allowing him to help.
but he doesn't allow synchrony to delve in too far. he would prefer to hear it. ]
no subject
I... Disappointed you. So shouldn't you be angry?
[He says it like that's the most obvious thing in the world, like there's no other way Ryuu could feel. He doesn't consider that he could be wrong.
He's just...
He's just so used to being watched to see if he's good enough, that feeling like he's become a disappointment... Hurts, and it terrifies him.]
no subject
[ his fingers squeeze a little, the motion assured. ]
I thought... what if you put yourself in danger to get here, and you were hurt because of it?
no subject
He’s not sure what to say. He looks down at their hands, at the differences between them, and he’s at a loss for words. He’s sure the confusion is coming across, not quite able to hide how he feels across their bonds, and lets out a breath.]
I’m sorry. I was... Sure I wouldn’t get hurt, if it’s any consolation, or that if I could I would have recovered.
[Now is probably not the time to say he’s used to getting hurt, so he just falls silent again.]