[ given that he was expecting him, it doesn't take ryuu long to answer. he's dressed down and looking - a little more uneasy than usual, with everything going as sideways as it has. but he's in one piece, and blessedly normal from the looks of it. for a moment, his expression slacks with surprise at the sight of wings. ]
You changed too, huh...?
[ he smiles soon after and stands aside to usher kaede in. his place seems empty, though it's too big for one person and has signs of being lived in. ]
[They're quite colorful wings, too, akin to the io moth, and the antennae on his head are especially fluffy.
He's relieved at the sight of Ryuu, and that the man seems healthy and whole. He'll gladly admit to how worried he was - he's not sure what sort of abilities the gem might have gifted him or what he knew about fighting from back home, but the fact of the matter is Ryuu seemed too nice to hurt anyone, even if it was life or death.
(Maybe he just feels that because he wants to be the one to keep Ryuu safe, but he's not about to say that. It doesn't seem like a thought that's quite his own, but... It's fine.)]
I did... Though not as much as some people, I think.
[He glances around the home - does he live alone? It doesn't seem like it.]
And I feel... [Exhausted. Strange. Scared.] ...Fine. You don't have to worry, nothing happened on the way over!
[ shutting the door behind him, ryuu takes a moment to look him over. not just because of the delicate wings or fluttery antennae, but because of what he'd come to know about kaede's personality in the short time he's known him. there are times when ryuu isn't the swiftest on the uptake, but he makes up for it with heart - something he has in spades.
his expression remains warm, if not without the slight creases of concentration as he tries to feel around for something he more senses than sees. this affection is his own, and not just the work of the sapphire embedded in the small of his back. ]
I've seen it get pretty crazy already... I kept thinking, even if it's tough to swallow... I probably ought to stay where I am for now.
[ so here he is. limitations... aren't his favorite, but even as a gembonded, he feels ordinary next to everyone else.
quieting, his fingers flex and he lifts an arm, as if he wants to reach out and touch. ]
But you're really okay? You didn't use too much manna getting here?
[Kaede is very careful with the image he projects. He's... Not sure if Ryuu remembers their first conversation, and a part of him is hoping he doesn't. It means he won't be suspicious of the way Kaede looks... Basically like he always does, if you ignore his monstrous changes. He's still as pale and thin as ever, but the way he looks exhausted and drawn and he's trembling ever so slightly are carefully hidden with an illusion.
He won't be able to keep it up for long, he knows, can feel it draining more and more manna even as he stands here, but... But all he needs to do is make sure Ryuu is okay, and then he can... Leave.
(But he doesn't want to leave.)
Though if Ryuu touches him, he'll feel the way his body shakes and the illusion will be shattered.]
That's pretty smart, though I know it must be frustrating...
[He takes a breath, hoping that it's subtle enough Ryuu won't notice, trying to steady himself.]
It didn't take too much at all! I mean, yeah, using my magic from home can be kind of exhausting, but it wasn't all that much.
[The downside to all of this is... Kaede doesn't have much experience with lying, and he can't quite hide the way he sounds uncertain.]
[ ryuu looks like he's on the verge of believing it, though the tapering off of his voice implicates him - his worries haven't quite abated yet. but it could be any number of things, given the state of the city, the fact that he's home alone, that he's still very much human in a hotbed of transformed gembonded. his arm lowers slowly.
he also has a tendency to take things at face value, regardless of what he knows. he doesn't suspect someone he likes of trying to hide anything from him.
still, he ushers kaede inside, letting his manners win out for the time being. ]
Well, you're here now. I don't think it's a good idea to go back out for a while, so why don't you come sit down? I can make you something to drink, if you want.
[It’s a relief, that he’s not being pressed on it. He’s not sure how long he can keep it together, but he... Doesn’t want to admit to being a failure. He should be better than this, shouldn’t be so weak, shouldn’t be this drained from something that isn’t all that difficult.
He should be better than this, and what if Ryuu knows that?
But now he’s being ushered inside, so he pushes that thought to the side. It’s fine. He can... Pretend.]
Ah... You don’t have to do anything for my sake, it’s fine.
[But sitting is definitely a good idea. He thinks he’s going to collapse.]
It's really no trouble for me. I was going to have something warm, myself! Do you like coffee? Or tea?
[ ryuu doesn't want him to leave either, so while he would have made the offer either way, it carries with it the hope that kaede will take him up on it. to him, it's not about how kaede showed up on his doorstep, but the fact that he thought to come see him at all, with everything so upside-down. that anyone thought of him in a time like this is what really speaks to him.
gesturing to the interior of the apartment - a modest living room with ample sitting space - ryuu smiles. there's two pairs of glasses on the coffee table, alongside a few piles of entertainment magazines, flipped open, dog-eared, and bookmarked. ]
I don't know how comfortable you are with your wings, but sit anywhere you like.
I haven’t had either, so whatever you’re having is fine...
[It’s probably for the best to give in and let Ryuu take care of him - for as much as coffee or tea counts as taking care of someone. It’s probably just common courtesy anyways, he thinks. He’s noticed that people have quirks like that, that he’s slowly figuring out.
He looks around the apartment, noting the glasses and the magazines and feeling immediately curious about them. He almost asks, but he bites his tongue.]
Ah, they’re not... Too bad to sit with as long as I’m careful.
[He goes for the first available seat, perching on the edge of the couch. He lets out a shaky breath, grimacing for a moment even if expression doesn’t outwardly change.
But it’s fine. It’s fine! He’ll be able to leave soon, and Ryuu will keep being oblivious.
His eyes stay on Ryuu, watching him for any signs that he’s cottoned on.]
[ that comment gives him a pause, enough to go still where he stands in the kitchen. curiosity passes over his expression and he doesn't think to hide it. he's gotten the vaguest impression of what kaede's life must have been like before here - the strokes are broad and the shapes shadowy, but each new thing he learns makes concern notch into his heart. no one's ever offered him a cup of coffee or tea? after a moment, he picks up where he left off, motions quiet and easy while he puts the settle on and sets out two cups and a canister of tea. ]
Let's have tea then. Chamomile is really warm and soothing.
[ which he figures might be best, given the circumstances. the gentle pop of the canister resounds through the space, followed by scooping, the patter of tea leaves on a metal strainer. because it's otherwise so hushed, the sound of kaede's unsteady breath still halts his hands and draws his attention across the room.
he can't ever really help it, try as he might. especially when he looks over to find kaede already watching him. he can't quite put his finger on it, but the set of his expression doesn't feel right. ryuu drops his gaze back to the counter. ]
You know, coming from somewhere that doesn't even have one form of magic, I never thought to ask what it feels like to have your own and the one from the gem...
[Kaede blinks owlishly at the way Ryuu pauses, wondering if he’s somehow done something wrong by never having either. He’s... Seen them on offer, since arriving here, and he had never considered trying them. They were unnecessary - why would he take them over water, which has suited him just fine for the past 21 years?
Still, he has to wonder if he’s made a mistake somehow.]
...Okay. That sounds good.
[...Ah.
He turns his gaze away from Ryuu, raising a hand to his cheek. There’s... There’s no way out of this, is there? The thought of continuing to lie to Ryuu feels almost painful with the way his stomach twists, and he sighs as the illusion falls away. He’s paler than usual, and there’s the faint tremble of the exhaustion that’s settled over him.]
...It’s exhausting. It takes everything from you in a way it never has before.
[Magic was so important to him, that he’s at least glad he still has it. But he kind of hates it, that it drains him of so much manna and leaves him exhausted and unlike himself. He drops his hand to lap, threading his fingers together.]
[ though his gut had been telling him something was off, he doesn't look happy about being proven right when kaede finally lifts the veil on his true condition. his expression shifts, worry settling on his face. it might seem like ryuu is the type to scold in situation where someone pushes themselves beyond their limit, but in this case - ryuu realizes he doesn't know kaede well enough to just assume. especially not when he looks so worn out, taxed by this world's price for the comfort of something from home.
gentle and coaxing, ryuu speaks up from the kitchen again. ]
...that you can't use your magic like you're used to, it must be frustrating for you, right?
[ and he came all the way here like that. for his sake? his hesitation is brief, but he does move out from behind the counter to approach him, dry tea and full kettle left behind. when close enough, ryuu kneels down and gazes up at him, trying to get a better look at his face. ]
Kaede. Can I...?
[ ryuu holds out both of his hands to him, palms up. even just a small spark of manna to fill out his strength would be enough for him. ]
[The look on Ryuu’s face just makes the guilt worse, and he can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s failed him some how. He looks away, staring at the glasses on the table, and nods slowly at the question. It’s so incredibly frustrating, to have limits placed on the only reason he exists.
If he can’t use his magic the way he’s supposed to, what good is he?
He flinches when Ryuu comes close, expecting the worst even though he wants to doubt Ryuu wouldn’t punish him for his failures. The fear is plain on his face, until he schools his features into something more neutral. He... Can handle whatever is to come.
Or so he thought.
He looks back at Ryuu, blinking stupidly for a moment.]
Aren’t you angry?
[He hesitates for a moment, before placing his hands on Ryuu’s. Carefully, as if he’s preparing to pull away at any moment.]
[ ryuu isn't entirely sure what kaede must have endured where he came from, but the fleeting way he accepts the touch of his hands makes him - sad. not that he'd been met with trepidation, but that he must've been treated in such a way to make gentleness an uncommon thing. a thing worth rejecting for fear of retaliation.
closing his fingers beneath kaede's hands as he accepts them, his thumbs rest atop delicate skin and bone when his gaze flicks up, brightened in confusion. ]
Angry? Is that what you think I am?
[ he thinks he feels it, even if only a little... the inadequacy, the defeat in allowing him to help.
but he doesn't allow synchrony to delve in too far. he would prefer to hear it. ]
I... [He doesn’t understand, not really, why Ryuu would be worried about him... He doesn’t think anyone’s ever worried about him before - or they’ve never said as much, at least.
He’s not sure what to say. He looks down at their hands, at the differences between them, and he’s at a loss for words. He’s sure the confusion is coming across, not quite able to hide how he feels across their bonds, and lets out a breath.]
I’m sorry. I was... Sure I wouldn’t get hurt, if it’s any consolation, or that if I could I would have recovered.
[Now is probably not the time to say he’s used to getting hurt, so he just falls silent again.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You changed too, huh...?
[ he smiles soon after and stands aside to usher kaede in. his place seems empty, though it's too big for one person and has signs of being lived in. ]
I'm glad you made it here. Do you feel alright?
no subject
He's relieved at the sight of Ryuu, and that the man seems healthy and whole. He'll gladly admit to how worried he was - he's not sure what sort of abilities the gem might have gifted him or what he knew about fighting from back home, but the fact of the matter is Ryuu seemed too nice to hurt anyone, even if it was life or death.
(Maybe he just feels that because he wants to be the one to keep Ryuu safe, but he's not about to say that. It doesn't seem like a thought that's quite his own, but... It's fine.)]
I did... Though not as much as some people, I think.
[He glances around the home - does he live alone? It doesn't seem like it.]
And I feel... [Exhausted. Strange. Scared.] ...Fine. You don't have to worry, nothing happened on the way over!
no subject
his expression remains warm, if not without the slight creases of concentration as he tries to feel around for something he more senses than sees. this affection is his own, and not just the work of the sapphire embedded in the small of his back. ]
I've seen it get pretty crazy already... I kept thinking, even if it's tough to swallow... I probably ought to stay where I am for now.
[ so here he is. limitations... aren't his favorite, but even as a gembonded, he feels ordinary next to everyone else.
quieting, his fingers flex and he lifts an arm, as if he wants to reach out and touch. ]
But you're really okay? You didn't use too much manna getting here?
no subject
He won't be able to keep it up for long, he knows, can feel it draining more and more manna even as he stands here, but... But all he needs to do is make sure Ryuu is okay, and then he can... Leave.
(But he doesn't want to leave.)
Though if Ryuu touches him, he'll feel the way his body shakes and the illusion will be shattered.]
That's pretty smart, though I know it must be frustrating...
[He takes a breath, hoping that it's subtle enough Ryuu won't notice, trying to steady himself.]
It didn't take too much at all! I mean, yeah, using my magic from home can be kind of exhausting, but it wasn't all that much.
[The downside to all of this is... Kaede doesn't have much experience with lying, and he can't quite hide the way he sounds uncertain.]
no subject
[ ryuu looks like he's on the verge of believing it, though the tapering off of his voice implicates him - his worries haven't quite abated yet. but it could be any number of things, given the state of the city, the fact that he's home alone, that he's still very much human in a hotbed of transformed gembonded. his arm lowers slowly.
he also has a tendency to take things at face value, regardless of what he knows. he doesn't suspect someone he likes of trying to hide anything from him.
still, he ushers kaede inside, letting his manners win out for the time being. ]
Well, you're here now. I don't think it's a good idea to go back out for a while, so why don't you come sit down? I can make you something to drink, if you want.
no subject
He should be better than this, and what if Ryuu knows that?
But now he’s being ushered inside, so he pushes that thought to the side. It’s fine. He can... Pretend.]
Ah... You don’t have to do anything for my sake, it’s fine.
[But sitting is definitely a good idea. He thinks he’s going to collapse.]
no subject
[ ryuu doesn't want him to leave either, so while he would have made the offer either way, it carries with it the hope that kaede will take him up on it. to him, it's not about how kaede showed up on his doorstep, but the fact that he thought to come see him at all, with everything so upside-down. that anyone thought of him in a time like this is what really speaks to him.
gesturing to the interior of the apartment - a modest living room with ample sitting space - ryuu smiles. there's two pairs of glasses on the coffee table, alongside a few piles of entertainment magazines, flipped open, dog-eared, and bookmarked. ]
I don't know how comfortable you are with your wings, but sit anywhere you like.
[ goodhearted and none the wiser. ]
no subject
[It’s probably for the best to give in and let Ryuu take care of him - for as much as coffee or tea counts as taking care of someone. It’s probably just common courtesy anyways, he thinks. He’s noticed that people have quirks like that, that he’s slowly figuring out.
He looks around the apartment, noting the glasses and the magazines and feeling immediately curious about them. He almost asks, but he bites his tongue.]
Ah, they’re not... Too bad to sit with as long as I’m careful.
[He goes for the first available seat, perching on the edge of the couch. He lets out a shaky breath, grimacing for a moment even if expression doesn’t outwardly change.
But it’s fine. It’s fine! He’ll be able to leave soon, and Ryuu will keep being oblivious.
His eyes stay on Ryuu, watching him for any signs that he’s cottoned on.]
no subject
Let's have tea then. Chamomile is really warm and soothing.
[ which he figures might be best, given the circumstances. the gentle pop of the canister resounds through the space, followed by scooping, the patter of tea leaves on a metal strainer. because it's otherwise so hushed, the sound of kaede's unsteady breath still halts his hands and draws his attention across the room.
he can't ever really help it, try as he might. especially when he looks over to find kaede already watching him. he can't quite put his finger on it, but the set of his expression doesn't feel right. ryuu drops his gaze back to the counter. ]
You know, coming from somewhere that doesn't even have one form of magic, I never thought to ask what it feels like to have your own and the one from the gem...
no subject
Still, he has to wonder if he’s made a mistake somehow.]
...Okay. That sounds good.
[...Ah.
He turns his gaze away from Ryuu, raising a hand to his cheek. There’s... There’s no way out of this, is there? The thought of continuing to lie to Ryuu feels almost painful with the way his stomach twists, and he sighs as the illusion falls away. He’s paler than usual, and there’s the faint tremble of the exhaustion that’s settled over him.]
...It’s exhausting. It takes everything from you in a way it never has before.
[Magic was so important to him, that he’s at least glad he still has it. But he kind of hates it, that it drains him of so much manna and leaves him exhausted and unlike himself. He drops his hand to lap, threading his fingers together.]
It drains your manna, so you can’t use much.
no subject
gentle and coaxing, ryuu speaks up from the kitchen again. ]
...that you can't use your magic like you're used to, it must be frustrating for you, right?
[ and he came all the way here like that. for his sake? his hesitation is brief, but he does move out from behind the counter to approach him, dry tea and full kettle left behind. when close enough, ryuu kneels down and gazes up at him, trying to get a better look at his face. ]
Kaede. Can I...?
[ ryuu holds out both of his hands to him, palms up. even just a small spark of manna to fill out his strength would be enough for him. ]
no subject
If he can’t use his magic the way he’s supposed to, what good is he?
He flinches when Ryuu comes close, expecting the worst even though he wants to doubt Ryuu wouldn’t punish him for his failures. The fear is plain on his face, until he schools his features into something more neutral. He... Can handle whatever is to come.
Or so he thought.
He looks back at Ryuu, blinking stupidly for a moment.]
Aren’t you angry?
[He hesitates for a moment, before placing his hands on Ryuu’s. Carefully, as if he’s preparing to pull away at any moment.]
no subject
closing his fingers beneath kaede's hands as he accepts them, his thumbs rest atop delicate skin and bone when his gaze flicks up, brightened in confusion. ]
Angry? Is that what you think I am?
[ he thinks he feels it, even if only a little... the inadequacy, the defeat in allowing him to help.
but he doesn't allow synchrony to delve in too far. he would prefer to hear it. ]
no subject
I... Disappointed you. So shouldn't you be angry?
[He says it like that's the most obvious thing in the world, like there's no other way Ryuu could feel. He doesn't consider that he could be wrong.
He's just...
He's just so used to being watched to see if he's good enough, that feeling like he's become a disappointment... Hurts, and it terrifies him.]
no subject
[ his fingers squeeze a little, the motion assured. ]
I thought... what if you put yourself in danger to get here, and you were hurt because of it?
no subject
He’s not sure what to say. He looks down at their hands, at the differences between them, and he’s at a loss for words. He’s sure the confusion is coming across, not quite able to hide how he feels across their bonds, and lets out a breath.]
I’m sorry. I was... Sure I wouldn’t get hurt, if it’s any consolation, or that if I could I would have recovered.
[Now is probably not the time to say he’s used to getting hurt, so he just falls silent again.]