[Momo can understand that, the sensation of feeling out of control of yourself. He believes there's a certain amount of it that happens to all of them just by their line of work, and inability to be completely candid about themselves in a lot of situations, but that's a different level to actively being influenced into another state of mind and lack of control.
Still, Ryuu's choice of wording and the way he's looking very much not at Momo when he says that last thing makes the implications hit home a bit more, and he gives a light, understanding sort of laugh to try and not let things get too serious.]
Aww, did that moon steal my chance to slowly corrupt you into a proper ero beast? That's a shame. [But if it really did come with those kinds of urges, the discomfort and hesitation is logical enough, so he rolls back around to a more appropriately senior-ly tone after a moment.] How far beyond? I'll admit, as long as you're getting up to this kind of business in a world where it's more acceptable than it is in ours, I think you shouldn't worry too much about any expectations from home.
[Not completely discard them, necessarily, but if he's concerned about having broken the no intimacy rules, Momo is already feeling like this world would make it just about impossible, let alone one that actively influences and incites people into it through those moons.]
[ he can't help it, a smile eases back through his features when momo punctures the seriousness of the moment. his thumbs trace the shape of his wine glass, its contents still mostly untouched. so he might feel a little teased, but not judged. already, that calms the waters around his heart. his face though? still red as can be. ]
It - I wouldn't call it "proper", exactly...! [ a quiet laugh sticks in his throat, almost all breath. like he's holding it in. ] I told myself something similar, while I was in Lunatia... every time I felt like things were going to get out of hand, thanks to Sanguis. There were a whole different set of expectations.
[ mostly that they either were at constant war with their moon, if the urges were the complete opposite of their character, or that they could form a truce with it, using whatever justification that they liked. briefly, he wonders - will it be the same here? ]
There were still people who trusted me, when I was like that. And chroma was really important. Like food, or water...
[Momo just grins cheekily for a moment at that, but he lets Ryuu get where he's going with his words...for a while, at least. After a point, with those halting words and the attempts to justify himself with how important chroma was and that people were still trusting him, along with the tangent they'd been on already, the whole brunt of this finally clicks for Momo, and he makes a slight humming sound as if of sudden understanding.
And then puts his glass down, and crosses his arms over his knees with an easy, joking smile.]
Ryuu, however many people you had sex with, it probably wasn't half as many as Yuki before he started working with me. If that's what you're worried about, I'm the last person who's going to judge you for it.
[He just...says it. He might've been naive back then, but it was impossible to miss Banri griping about it when it came up or the way they look back on it now - the way Ban still rips Yuki for supposedly being loyal to the three great desires of food, sleep and sex. So even though it became out of the question the minute they were sincerely aiming to succeed, to him Yuki was just as much an idol in the years with Banri, so the idea of idols hooking up on the side is perhaps not as scandalous to Momo as it would be to others.]
[ as much as he'd tried to soften the blow of having to admit on the barest level what he'd done, momo makes short work of balling up his worries and chucking them directly back into the calm waters of his life. the thunk noise it makes as it hits home and rattles around his insides is probably all but audible. only when it settles does he feel like he can move again.
and immediately, he near sinks into the couch, head in his hands. ]
You say that, but somehow I don't feel at ease at all...
[ not a denial. sure, they all as a group - re:vale, TRIGGER, IDOLiSH7 - seem to get away with a lot but...
he's already had one near-career destroying experience, alright. his heart is delicate. ]
[Momo can't help but laugh at Ryuu's almost comedic despairing state, actually getting up so he can reach across the table to pat him on the head. He knows sometimes his very...direct way of talking about certain topics doesn't always go the best with Ryuu, but in this case he felt like it was better than letting him scrabble around for the answers and draw it all out even further.]
Come on, what are seniors for if not sharing your sordid escapades with? I want all the details, Ryuu-chan, I have to think about what I missed getting pictures of...
[He's just going with the comedic route out here for now, because he knows why Ryuu is probably having a particular issue with this sort of thing, but he doesn't want to drop the equivalent of a cartoon ten ton weight on the mood.]
[ while the headpats are nice, it just makes him want to shrivel down further in self-admonishment. he knows it serves him right for trying to skirt around the topic, but some details just linger on in his forthright heart as things he ought to keep to himself - if not for the sake of his career, then for the sake of his equally moonblessed partners. he's not the type to kiss (etc.) and tell?! (which is news to him, as he's never actually been put on the spot to before.) never has the rift between what he's marketed as and what he actually is seemed so very wide and yet so very bridged at the same time. ]
I'm not sure I could explain everything to you even if I wasn't too embarrassed to think about where to start... Sanguis was really difficult.
[ nailing himself to the wall yet again with the implication that there is
[Momo is definitely taking that as a sign that Ryuu has been up to A Lot and that not all of it was probably socially acceptable even in a broader sense, but he has a small amount of mercy here. Ryuu looks like he's ready to wither away into the couch, and he doesn't quite want him to die of embarrassment before he can explain his doings a little more.
So he comes around the table to squeeze in next to him and clap him bracingly on the back instead, because clearly trying to low-level Sync might help? Or something. It might make it easier to tell what's on his mind, at least.]
Well, we have all the time in the world! Starting at the beginning is easiest, but I promise I won't judge you for any of it. Maybe just tease you a bit.
[At least he's honest about that part, though it is also meant to keep the mood a bit on the lighter side.] But I want you to feel comfortable talking to me, you know? Will it help if I hug you? Or give you some more wine so your shame goes away?
[There are two kinds of people and Momo is both of them.]
[ despite himself, the physical contact does help beyond the initial jolt of the couch cushions jostling. syncing doesn't make things any more clear from ryuu's side - just a draining and muddled vortex of "oh my god" and "please no". but when confronted, ryuu is hard pressed to take anything to his grave, which is a critical flaw in having his heart perpetually smeared on his sleeve. breathing out a completely pathetic noise, he straightens up... a little. ]
I'd like more wine and a hug, I think.
[ it - well. it's a little shameful, but at least that much is honest. ]
[Meanwhile, the surface impression from the Syncing on Momo's side is...
...well, he's laughing a lot less hard at Ryuu than he could be. There's definitely an impression of bubbling amusement that's somewhat tempered by sympathy, though with such a scarce type of Syncing, that's all that can really be felt. He'll at least reward Ryuu's honesty by reaching over to refill both their glasses, and then moving Ryuu's right in front of him and ignoring his own so he can wrap his huge junior in something that somehow manages to be a bear hug despite Ryuu being so much bigger than Momo.]
That's the spirit! Let it all out, and Momo-chan will pamper you for it, that's a good trade-off, right?
[Probably. Being affectioned all over by Momo is definitely some kind of reward.]
[ he has to admit that the bear hug actually helps. at the very least, the force of it knocks a weak laugh out of him in a way that feels almost normal, given the circumstances; the irony that he's usually the one dispensing gestures like these isn't lost on him. if this were him in momo's shoes, he's sure he'd want to be met with honesty too, embarrassment aside. not that knowing makes the heated color in his face ease any. ]
Your persuasiveness is really something else, you know?
[ without knocking him loose, ryuu reaches for the glass of wine, using his long reach to hook his arm up over momo's to take a (too) long sip. ]
I don't think the "beginning" is as interesting as it might seem... I told you that it was scary, so I kept to myself a lot at the start. I had a lot of different features from my normal body and I didn't want to risk hurting anyone.
[ sure, the impulses were there, but for better or worse, ryuu never felt like he got too beyond his own control. but he has always been a cautious person when the stakes are high. ]
[Momo gives a cheeky little laugh when he manages to get one out of Ryuu, like he's happy he managed to do it. Considering how preoccupied Ryuu seems to have been with all this and even the prospect of having to tell him, it's nice to get some actual levity that's not Ryuu dying of embarrassment at having the actual topic of this conversation called out.]
Of course! It's a skill I've developed with a ton of care. [Because he's had to, in all his years in the industry. How to persuade particular kinds of people, the best way to angle things in his favour...it's almost natural at this point, identifying how to do that with whoever he meets. But he certainly has the advantage using it against his juniors.
That said, he continues hugging as Ryuu explains, if making the hug a bit less squishy so it's marginally less awkward for Ryuu while he talks.]
Oh, that sounds like a you thing to do. But did people try to track you down or check up on you or whatever after a while?
[He finds it hard to believe people would just let Ryuu disappear for a certain amount of time every month.]
[ it's not like ryuu wouldn't have come clean eventually, given the similar natures of these two cities he's been spirited away to. though the expectation for intimacy isn't technically there, he doesn't trust the gems to not function similarly to the moons. better to explain before anything too wild happens... right? ]
They did... of course. When I first got there, I didn't really know what to expect out of being Moonblessed. It's not like there's a script! I got caught off guard the first time, so I tried to keep it a secret after that.
[ it's hard to find the single violent bone in his body, and yet sanguis had unearthed it with chilling ease. ]
My own Moonblessing wasn't the only problem, either. Both Cordis and Iris seemed to provoke Sanguis quite a bit... but they all fit together well too.
[ saying nothing of pheromones and heat - he knows zero things about a/b/o?? ]
[While Ryuu might not be getting too specific about what he means with "provoking", Momo gives a curious sort of hum. It does sound like the whole setup would have encouraged people to push or cross their limits, especially if the moons all interacted in that sort of way.]
"Provoke"? So they were encouraging you to get all over each other, basically? You did say the Cordises were indulgent and the Irises were affectionate, right?
[So he can see how aggressiveness or dominance would potentially play well with those, whether it was from someone newly indulgent wanting that kind of passionate attention or someone trying to soothe and give them a place to vent their more aggressive tendencies.]
That's right. Sanguis reacted strongly to scent... especially from Cordis. And Iris had a high tolerance for pain. [ he is trying to keep himself from flustering at that specifically, and only succeeding a tiny amount. ] So I guess you could say the environment did encourage it, looking back on it...
[ clearing his throat, he remembers that at this angle, momo can likely feel every time he tenses. calm, he reminds himself. calm. ]
It was still pretty nervewracking for me, until I found partners I could trust to handle how I felt.
[ somehow, it'd become less about the sex and more about the connection, but considering he knows he's talking about sex, he quickly amends: ]
I-It wasn't that many! [ his shoulders slope a little. ] Just more than I ever thought, at the same time...
[Momo's brows definitely rise somewhere into his hairline at the pain tolerance detail. He might have to ask later how many Irises Ryuu got into bed with.
They only go higher when he tries to correct himself on the amount of partners, but at least it's accompanied by a grin, so it mostly seems like Momo's finding his attempts to defend his purity a little funny.]
Well, you're a handsome, sexy stud, of course people would want to sleep with you if they got the chance! And if you didn't have job stuff to worry about as much, I bet they got to see that you're kind and caring and cute, too. [He winks cheerily. Apparently it's bolster Ryuu's ego hours, because he is very unsurprised Ryuu ended up with multiple options to help him out there. But also, he just doesn't want him to feel bad about it now that he's out of that environment and having to explain it to him.]
Even if you feel awkward about it now, I'm glad you had support. It sounds like a tough time to be challenged that much against your nature, so I think it's good you still had people who could help you feel okay with it.
[ now that he's just come out with it he does... actually feel better for it. funny how that works. ]
Come on, Momo-san. [ a laugh. ] That's too much, still.
[ despite the fact that it does seem like he's never once looked in a mirror, he's lucky in that he takes the ego bolstering in more of an emotional capacity anyway. laying a hand on his chest, he's thankful for momo's acceptance. and also the wine. otherwise trying to defend his purity at all would be an unhelpful exercise in futility. ]
It might always feel a little awkward to talk about so plainly! No matter where I am. [ not least of all because anesagi would cross dimensions to put his head on a pike, no doubt. but also his role had built up a version of himself that he'd warred with a long time, up until recently. in some respects, that dissonance has eased back now. ] But sometimes I'm glad when I think about my image not being as strict in places like this.
[ which is to say that TRIGGER couldn't suffer for the things he got up to...
and he (hopefully) wouldn't be so liable to disappoint someone. ]
No it's not! You're just modest. [Momo gives him a hearty squeeze to punctuate that, like he needs to make sure it's extra convincing that Ryuu is all those things so he doesn't turn down his compliments. Ignoring the fact that Momo would've done the same thing in his position, but given how often Momo ignores that fact, it'd be weirder at this point if he didn't.
He can understand why Ryuu would be glad for the reprieve, though, and his smile softens a bit. They all have things they struggle with, in terms of public image against identity, and even a few less things they could have held against them is some kind of relief compared to back home.]
It's less to worry about, isn't it? I guess you just get used to living with those things you accepted when you started the job, and you stop thinking about how tough it can be after a while. But it is tough to give up some of the things we have to give up, for all of us.
[Momo has made it pretty clear previously that he copes with not being able to have his own romantic life by living vicariously trying to meddle in other people's, so he's not ashamed to admit that.] And it won't be so easy for people to try and use that stuff to topple us here, either.
[There's his quiet allusion to the issue of people like Ryou, and the ease with which any "too close" contact with a woman could've ruined any of them at any point. Ryuu was just the one to get landed in it.]
[ listening through the grounding squeeze, ryuu is a little less emphatic than he usually is, though it's not too hard to see why given the seriousness of the topic at its core. sure, they'd both wrapped it up in some silliness, but it can be - and almost had been - something that ruins careers forever. they both know it. that sore spot of his pulses quietly through his manna and ryuu doesn't think to try and stifle it, though he's the first to let his stability and acceptance soothe over it a moment later. ]
It's a strange feeling. It's not like I regret living the life I do back home. I don't think I could be happy doing anything else right now...
[ he pauses, a telltale sign he's trying to find the right words to say. ]
But there's something about the experiences I'm able to have in places like here, or Lunatia, that I don't want to forget about either. It feels a bit selfish to want both.
[Momo is only too ready to read things out of people's Syncing, despite the fact that he keeps a pretty tight lid on what he lets through from his end. In this case, at least, it means there's just a general sense of welcoming and positivity coming from him, because everything else has been shoved too deep for just a hug to get at.
Still, he can see why that's difficult for him. Momo hasn't even been here all that long, but he's naturally the type to form webs of connections with others, so he's already noticing the potential for discord when people leave or when he has to return home.]
I don't think that's selfish. At least if you could remember what happened here, you'd be able to keep those experiences without breaking propriety in our world...but since we don't really know how that played out for you between coming to Lunatia and coming here, it's hard to tell what happens after we leave here, isn't it?
[If Ryuu had clear knowledge of whether he remembered things in Lunatia while he'd gone back home, then they might have a working theory, but as it is, it seems like they'll have to wait and see.]
[ it does call into question what he remembers, and even that much stacks in such a weird way that ryuu is hesitant to even say what he recalls is correct. he takes another drink from his glass, letting the pleasant, mellow effect of the wine help him along. ]
It's really hard! I remember everything, but the way I remember it makes no sense. Winning MOP, being in Lunatia, then being home for our New Years live... now I'm here. But I wonder about it. Did I remember Lunatia when I was home? It doesn't seem like it.
[ he sighs heavily, and though it's a somewhat helpless gesture, the tension is still gradually leaking out of him at a more natural pace than before. ]
Places like this have customs that are really easy to get swept up in, that's for sure. It looks like it won't be moons affecting us, but maybe... our gems?
[That does make things pretty complicated, but does support what Momo heard from the GemSci staff on the way in, when he consulted just about the first one he saw about time passage back home out of worry for Yuki and what he might do if Momo disappeared on him. It gets a thoughtful hum out of him, like he's still trying to reconcile that knowledge himself.]
The scientists here did say that things stop back home while we're here, so that would fit with all your time in Lunatia still putting you back to where you left our world...maybe it's better that we don't remember stuff here, in the long run.
[If they formed friendships here and then had to leave them behind, wouldn't it hurt well into the future that they could never see those people again? Forgetting would let them move on, at least. At the mention of the gems, one of Momo's hands goes to his own throat, touching slightly at the lump there.]
They already kind of did when we landed, so I think you're right about that. I guess all we can really do is wait and see how it turns out.
[He likes to go in with more information, but what's available seems to be somewhat limited so far.]
[ ryuu isn't surprised to hear it, given the limited scope of what he thinks happened between home, lunatia, and here. in one sense, he can understand why the prolonged hurt of missing those he'd connected with would be something better off forgotten, in the other... he frowns when confronted with it, though his expression remains gentle. ]
I think... I'd rather remember, even if hurts.
[ simple and to the point, he doesn't feel like he has to explain himself for his thoughts to carry. glancing aside at the way momo reaches for his gem, his expression warms again. ]
That seems best for now. If I can handle Sanguis, I'm sure I'll be able to handle the gem. [ in that regard, it seems that his sapphire is a little more aligned to his disposition than the red moon had been. though - ] Speaking of, remind me to tell you about the wolf ears sometime.
[Well, Momo can't really question that choice too much. Even if it doesn't seem like they'll have a choice as to whether they remember or not, he can definitely see why Ryuu would want to - why anyone would want to, really. Sometimes the pain is worth it.
So he just lets a hard-to-read smile creep onto his face and doesn't remark on it for the moment. The mention of wolf ears makes him perk up visibly, though.]
How would I be able to forget wolf ears? I'll definitely have to set a whole day aside or something to listen to all these stories of yours, you know! Or maybe we should have a sleepover.
[All very important options as to how to get Momo as much time as possible to hear what went down in Lunatia.]
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Still, Ryuu's choice of wording and the way he's looking very much not at Momo when he says that last thing makes the implications hit home a bit more, and he gives a light, understanding sort of laugh to try and not let things get too serious.]
Aww, did that moon steal my chance to slowly corrupt you into a proper ero beast? That's a shame. [But if it really did come with those kinds of urges, the discomfort and hesitation is logical enough, so he rolls back around to a more appropriately senior-ly tone after a moment.] How far beyond? I'll admit, as long as you're getting up to this kind of business in a world where it's more acceptable than it is in ours, I think you shouldn't worry too much about any expectations from home.
[Not completely discard them, necessarily, but if he's concerned about having broken the no intimacy rules, Momo is already feeling like this world would make it just about impossible, let alone one that actively influences and incites people into it through those moons.]
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It - I wouldn't call it "proper", exactly...! [ a quiet laugh sticks in his throat, almost all breath. like he's holding it in. ] I told myself something similar, while I was in Lunatia... every time I felt like things were going to get out of hand, thanks to Sanguis. There were a whole different set of expectations.
[ mostly that they either were at constant war with their moon, if the urges were the complete opposite of their character, or that they could form a truce with it, using whatever justification that they liked. briefly, he wonders - will it be the same here? ]
There were still people who trusted me, when I was like that. And chroma was really important. Like food, or water...
[ he's saying all this, but it's halting. ]
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And then puts his glass down, and crosses his arms over his knees with an easy, joking smile.]
Ryuu, however many people you had sex with, it probably wasn't half as many as Yuki before he started working with me. If that's what you're worried about, I'm the last person who's going to judge you for it.
[He just...says it. He might've been naive back then, but it was impossible to miss Banri griping about it when it came up or the way they look back on it now - the way Ban still rips Yuki for supposedly being loyal to the three great desires of food, sleep and sex. So even though it became out of the question the minute they were sincerely aiming to succeed, to him Yuki was just as much an idol in the years with Banri, so the idea of idols hooking up on the side is perhaps not as scandalous to Momo as it would be to others.]
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and immediately, he near sinks into the couch, head in his hands. ]
You say that, but somehow I don't feel at ease at all...
[ not a denial. sure, they all as a group - re:vale, TRIGGER, IDOLiSH7 - seem to get away with a lot but...
he's already had one near-career destroying experience, alright. his heart is delicate. ]
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Come on, what are seniors for if not sharing your sordid escapades with? I want all the details, Ryuu-chan, I have to think about what I missed getting pictures of...
[He's just going with the comedic route out here for now, because he knows why Ryuu is probably having a particular issue with this sort of thing, but he doesn't want to drop the equivalent of a cartoon ten ton weight on the mood.]
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I'm not sure I could explain everything to you even if I wasn't too embarrassed to think about where to start... Sanguis was really difficult.
[ nailing himself to the wall yet again with the implication that there is
a lot.
to explain. ]
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So he comes around the table to squeeze in next to him and clap him bracingly on the back instead, because clearly trying to low-level Sync might help? Or something. It might make it easier to tell what's on his mind, at least.]
Well, we have all the time in the world! Starting at the beginning is easiest, but I promise I won't judge you for any of it. Maybe just tease you a bit.
[At least he's honest about that part, though it is also meant to keep the mood a bit on the lighter side.] But I want you to feel comfortable talking to me, you know? Will it help if I hug you? Or give you some more wine so your shame goes away?
[There are two kinds of people and Momo is both of them.]
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I'd like more wine and a hug, I think.
[ it - well. it's a little shameful, but at least that much is honest. ]
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...well, he's laughing a lot less hard at Ryuu than he could be. There's definitely an impression of bubbling amusement that's somewhat tempered by sympathy, though with such a scarce type of Syncing, that's all that can really be felt. He'll at least reward Ryuu's honesty by reaching over to refill both their glasses, and then moving Ryuu's right in front of him and ignoring his own so he can wrap his huge junior in something that somehow manages to be a bear hug despite Ryuu being so much bigger than Momo.]
That's the spirit! Let it all out, and Momo-chan will pamper you for it, that's a good trade-off, right?
[Probably. Being affectioned all over by Momo is definitely some kind of reward.]
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Your persuasiveness is really something else, you know?
[ without knocking him loose, ryuu reaches for the glass of wine, using his long reach to hook his arm up over momo's to take a (too) long sip. ]
I don't think the "beginning" is as interesting as it might seem... I told you that it was scary, so I kept to myself a lot at the start. I had a lot of different features from my normal body and I didn't want to risk hurting anyone.
[ sure, the impulses were there, but for better or worse, ryuu never felt like he got too beyond his own control. but he has always been a cautious person when the stakes are high. ]
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Of course! It's a skill I've developed with a ton of care. [Because he's had to, in all his years in the industry. How to persuade particular kinds of people, the best way to angle things in his favour...it's almost natural at this point, identifying how to do that with whoever he meets. But he certainly has the advantage using it against his juniors.
That said, he continues hugging as Ryuu explains, if making the hug a bit less squishy so it's marginally less awkward for Ryuu while he talks.]
Oh, that sounds like a you thing to do. But did people try to track you down or check up on you or whatever after a while?
[He finds it hard to believe people would just let Ryuu disappear for a certain amount of time every month.]
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They did... of course. When I first got there, I didn't really know what to expect out of being Moonblessed. It's not like there's a script! I got caught off guard the first time, so I tried to keep it a secret after that.
[ it's hard to find the single violent bone in his body, and yet sanguis had unearthed it with chilling ease. ]
My own Moonblessing wasn't the only problem, either. Both Cordis and Iris seemed to provoke Sanguis quite a bit... but they all fit together well too.
[ saying nothing of pheromones and heat - he knows zero things about a/b/o?? ]
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"Provoke"? So they were encouraging you to get all over each other, basically? You did say the Cordises were indulgent and the Irises were affectionate, right?
[So he can see how aggressiveness or dominance would potentially play well with those, whether it was from someone newly indulgent wanting that kind of passionate attention or someone trying to soothe and give them a place to vent their more aggressive tendencies.]
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[ clearing his throat, he remembers that at this angle, momo can likely feel every time he tenses. calm, he reminds himself. calm. ]
It was still pretty nervewracking for me, until I found partners I could trust to handle how I felt.
[ somehow, it'd become less about the sex and more about the connection, but considering he knows he's talking about sex, he quickly amends: ]
I-It wasn't that many! [ his shoulders slope a little. ] Just more than I ever thought, at the same time...
[ given his career, and all. ]
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They only go higher when he tries to correct himself on the amount of partners, but at least it's accompanied by a grin, so it mostly seems like Momo's finding his attempts to defend his purity a little funny.]
Well, you're a handsome, sexy stud, of course people would want to sleep with you if they got the chance! And if you didn't have job stuff to worry about as much, I bet they got to see that you're kind and caring and cute, too. [He winks cheerily. Apparently it's bolster Ryuu's ego hours, because he is very unsurprised Ryuu ended up with multiple options to help him out there. But also, he just doesn't want him to feel bad about it now that he's out of that environment and having to explain it to him.]
Even if you feel awkward about it now, I'm glad you had support. It sounds like a tough time to be challenged that much against your nature, so I think it's good you still had people who could help you feel okay with it.
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Come on, Momo-san. [ a laugh. ] That's too much, still.
[ despite the fact that it does seem like he's never once looked in a mirror, he's lucky in that he takes the ego bolstering in more of an emotional capacity anyway. laying a hand on his chest, he's thankful for momo's acceptance. and also the wine. otherwise trying to defend his purity at all would be an unhelpful exercise in futility. ]
It might always feel a little awkward to talk about so plainly! No matter where I am. [ not least of all because anesagi would cross dimensions to put his head on a pike, no doubt. but also his role had built up a version of himself that he'd warred with a long time, up until recently. in some respects, that dissonance has eased back now. ] But sometimes I'm glad when I think about my image not being as strict in places like this.
[ which is to say that TRIGGER couldn't suffer for the things he got up to...
and he (hopefully) wouldn't be so liable to disappoint someone. ]
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He can understand why Ryuu would be glad for the reprieve, though, and his smile softens a bit. They all have things they struggle with, in terms of public image against identity, and even a few less things they could have held against them is some kind of relief compared to back home.]
It's less to worry about, isn't it? I guess you just get used to living with those things you accepted when you started the job, and you stop thinking about how tough it can be after a while. But it is tough to give up some of the things we have to give up, for all of us.
[Momo has made it pretty clear previously that he copes with not being able to have his own romantic life by living vicariously trying to meddle in other people's, so he's not ashamed to admit that.] And it won't be so easy for people to try and use that stuff to topple us here, either.
[There's his quiet allusion to the issue of people like Ryou, and the ease with which any "too close" contact with a woman could've ruined any of them at any point. Ryuu was just the one to get landed in it.]
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It's a strange feeling. It's not like I regret living the life I do back home. I don't think I could be happy doing anything else right now...
[ he pauses, a telltale sign he's trying to find the right words to say. ]
But there's something about the experiences I'm able to have in places like here, or Lunatia, that I don't want to forget about either. It feels a bit selfish to want both.
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Still, he can see why that's difficult for him. Momo hasn't even been here all that long, but he's naturally the type to form webs of connections with others, so he's already noticing the potential for discord when people leave or when he has to return home.]
I don't think that's selfish. At least if you could remember what happened here, you'd be able to keep those experiences without breaking propriety in our world...but since we don't really know how that played out for you between coming to Lunatia and coming here, it's hard to tell what happens after we leave here, isn't it?
[If Ryuu had clear knowledge of whether he remembered things in Lunatia while he'd gone back home, then they might have a working theory, but as it is, it seems like they'll have to wait and see.]
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It's really hard! I remember everything, but the way I remember it makes no sense. Winning MOP, being in Lunatia, then being home for our New Years live... now I'm here. But I wonder about it. Did I remember Lunatia when I was home? It doesn't seem like it.
[ he sighs heavily, and though it's a somewhat helpless gesture, the tension is still gradually leaking out of him at a more natural pace than before. ]
Places like this have customs that are really easy to get swept up in, that's for sure. It looks like it won't be moons affecting us, but maybe... our gems?
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The scientists here did say that things stop back home while we're here, so that would fit with all your time in Lunatia still putting you back to where you left our world...maybe it's better that we don't remember stuff here, in the long run.
[If they formed friendships here and then had to leave them behind, wouldn't it hurt well into the future that they could never see those people again? Forgetting would let them move on, at least. At the mention of the gems, one of Momo's hands goes to his own throat, touching slightly at the lump there.]
They already kind of did when we landed, so I think you're right about that. I guess all we can really do is wait and see how it turns out.
[He likes to go in with more information, but what's available seems to be somewhat limited so far.]
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I think... I'd rather remember, even if hurts.
[ simple and to the point, he doesn't feel like he has to explain himself for his thoughts to carry. glancing aside at the way momo reaches for his gem, his expression warms again. ]
That seems best for now. If I can handle Sanguis, I'm sure I'll be able to handle the gem. [ in that regard, it seems that his sapphire is a little more aligned to his disposition than the red moon had been. though - ] Speaking of, remind me to tell you about the wolf ears sometime.
[ among other things. ]
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So he just lets a hard-to-read smile creep onto his face and doesn't remark on it for the moment. The mention of wolf ears makes him perk up visibly, though.]
How would I be able to forget wolf ears? I'll definitely have to set a whole day aside or something to listen to all these stories of yours, you know! Or maybe we should have a sleepover.
[All very important options as to how to get Momo as much time as possible to hear what went down in Lunatia.]