( you can't rise to the top if you don't rise early. others are less kind, opportunists. ruthless. so, it was a rule that made sense to him even at his most inexperienced, and even now? a rule that certainly allows him to maintain a crispness to everything that he does. there is no "one eye opens, then the others". there is no "slowly waking with the sun". the alarm doesn't need to go off anymore; he is awake and already stretching. a glass of water on a nightstand. no need to shower yet; tenn is clean, his room always cool enough so that he doesn't sweat at night.
but this is a special day.
he's a year older. wiser. another year of living with TRIGGER. with his brother. with IDOLiSH7. Re:vale. the biggest difference is that they aren't home. without their past popularity which had gone through its own rise and fall and a rise again, making this another fall. a descent that wasn't foreseen. on past birthdays? the fans would be relentless: physically, on social media, making their presence known in various ways. things would be sent. delivered. flowers, chocolates, all sorts of things. he would graciously accept them all with a smile.
but this is a special day.
it's quiet. well, for the most part. this morning is not as quiet as the previous ones. no, someone has been doing something--- and the results of that something has crept its way into his room. there is the unmistakable scent of something sweet. something... cakey. very much not a thing he normally expects to grab in the morning, something made with the same amount of love and care that he has come to enjoy. something that he didn't have for the longest time.
he moves to the door. presses his ear against it. smiles, closes his eyes. a short huff as his chest tightens. his heart thrums. tenn feels light as a feather. hand on the doorknob, he slowly turns it before pulling it open--- a crack, to peek out. )
Hello?
( almost expectantly. a piece of the past. at least it will be a face that he wants to see... loves to see. )
[ truth be told, he was so focused on making everything look just right that he missed the sound of the door latch, only lifting his gaze when he hears that familiar voice calling out to him. beaming bright, he stands to his full height, suddenly comfortable with when and wherever tenn happens to catch him with his surprise. ]
Tenn? Are you awake? Good morning.
[ that first greeting comes just as quiet and natural, brimming with heart. it's still so early that he hasn't even changed out of the comfortable clothes he slept in, only throwing an apron over the ensemble so as to not cause any undue damage. or undue laundry.
still, he doesn't need perfection or styling for this, which is an honor that he's gotten more familiar with over the past long months - both at home and here. to be unadorned is something that ryuu has always cherished, a truth that his gentle heart holds to no matter the weight places upon his, their, shoulders. it feels like closeness, like family. standing straight, he carefully picks up his full tray and holds it up proudly, his entire expression lit by his smile. ]
I was planning on surprising you, but I think this works just as well, don't you?
I am. ( obviously, right? but he leaves that out. he's too busy smiling, radiating with joy. it may no longer be a surprise in one case, but it's still a surprise. not because it's coming from ryuu, but because... well.
it's always good to be remembered. for the small things, for the big things. this is definitely one of the latter. )
Come on in. You don't think I can eat all of that by myself, do you?
( as he opens the door, he reveals his room to ryuu. rarely does he let people inside in the first place; his privacy could easily be considered a prized possession. an old habit for sure. even though his heart has opened up, especially after all they've gone through, it's difficult to not resort to what he's used to.
but he can easily adjust.
his room is neat and tidy, bookshelves with a few scattered ones lining it. there are more photos than anything, other little trinkets from his travels so far. shells from the beach, a flower crown that hasn't wilted. a stone from the temple they first trained in. a ticket and program from their first performance. things that he wants to hold onto as long as he can, memories and reminders of what he's achieved.
as he sits down on his bed, tenn smooths out his already made bed so that ryuu can join him. )
[ though they live together still, ryuu still feels his pulse give a little thrum when tenn invites him into his room. ryuu has always been gracious with his space and somewhat... clumsy, with other peoples' space, but walk through enough fires with someone and eventually, something more polished emerges. granted, that newfound sense of maturity doesn't keep ryuu from taking a fond look around - spotting the little things he's kept around from his time in the city so far. the sentimental things.
smile mellowing, ryuu follows slowly, tray still balanced in his hold as he muses aloud in answer to tenn's question. ]
I was going to see if you wanted to try! It is your birthday, after all. [ and why not go all out for something so special? ] But if you need help, I don't mind.
[ he was going to get to cooking up something a little simpler for himself later, but this works just as well. with a space laid out, ryuu gingerly sets the tray down first so tenn can finally have a good look at the sky-high stack of hotcakes and all the sweet toppings.
taking a seat beside him, long legs coming to fold at the edge of the mattress, ryuu has to pause. ]
( all the while, his eyes aren't on what looks like a stack of pancakes that might take more than just the two of them to complete, but the man who brought them in. that his eyes are stuck, locked onto ryuu, onto his face and those features--- handsome. warm. he might go a little further and go with the one word that many use, but not in the same way: sexy. yes. what sexy is to him is different than what those who see ryuu on the billboards, in those ads--- a perspective that only he knows.
it's the feeling of comfort, of something one would never want to live without. familiarity. something that staves off homesickness. trust. reliability. what ryuu represents... it's the best of what he wants. what he wishes he could have all the time. what he can have here and could have back home... but...
maybe it's not having additional pressure that helps, the self-inflicted kind along with the ones placed on him by another person. even if those dreams align and resonate with him, he wants to do it his way. not another's. )
Better to do too much than not do enough.
( tenn carefully pulls a fork off the tray, uses it to cut into the stack--- all the way through. a line of triangles that drips with syrup, strawberry still clinging to the top one, and cream teetering on the edge of falling off. taking a few of the top bits, he's quick to bring the utensil to his lips and then before anything falls to hit his lap, sticks it in his mouth.
chew, chew.
...
his cheeks feel warm. they're probably as red as the strawberries. )
[ what would sound silly to most is what ryuu tends to want to hear. it's that homegrown sense of gentleness he has, that inability to look at something heartfelt and not be moved by it, no matter how corny or embarrassing. but tenn's other statement matters too - how they've taken their ability to aim high and applied it to every aspect of their lives, no matter how small or simple. this is the axis, here in tenn's bedroom in a still-foreign place, the one along which his trust runs. tenn knows him on screen, on stage.
and he knows him here too, by his side. when tenn says things like that, it's impossible to not crave all of it at once.
but with his gaze rapt on his first bite, his expression dissolves into an instant smile at the appraisal it gets. breathing a relieved laugh, he acts as though he's never had tenn speak well of his cooking before. but to hear he can taste the most important ingredient? it puts him on cloud nine. ]
- ahh, is that so? It took a while to find everything in the markets here, so I was worried it'd come out tasting strange...
[ he'll never take strawberries for granted again. or like, being on planet earth.
( he huffs, a smile spreading across his features. )
I'd be a little concerned if you found love in the markets. Who knows what that really is?
( a tightness in his chest needs relieving and soon. a pressure that extends out to his limbs, up to his head and making him a little lightheaded, before going down to the tips of his toes and then returning back to the source. tenn has to stand up. all the while, his eyes still on ryuu. on familiarity, on strength. a rock that he can put his weight on that will support him, with strong arms and handsome features. it's almost unbearable how much he wants to make those all his and never share it; perhaps it's the ruby gem that feeds that need to covet, but...
it's not like ryuu is that far. it just takes a few steps until he's in front of him. it takes even less to bend slightly so that his face could be precariously close to the other's, to his friend, to his partner... )
Thank you, Ryuu.
( ... and then, in order to share some of that sweetness on his lips? he places them firmly against ryuu's, exhaling slowly before pulling back, tongue swiping along as a very brief and hopefully temporary retreat. )
[ it's like he's watching it happen to someone else. just tenn standing up from his spot was enough to make those few seconds where he realizes he's approaching him stretch on into something like an eternity. the soft padding of his feet on the carpet, the sudden whispery shift of his clothes as he leans in - time only sparks again when ryuu inhales, heart skipping a beat at the touch of their lips. like silk, heat, sweetness. his face erupts into color and he's left staring for one long moment after tenn releases his mouth, but not his heart. never his heart.
that's been true since the day he first laid eyes on him.
and though it's not like a kiss is new to him anymore, or any other forms of intimacy that he's become accustomed to and grown to love, the fact that it's tenn casts it all in a new light. he never expected it, though he can't say he's never thought about it - ]
Tenn - [ he realizes he's just sort of been staring at him dumbly, liquid-bright eyes caught on tenn's radiant face. gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips, he lifts his arms out to him. ] ...can we do that again?
[ it almost feels like a selfish request on a day that's supposed to be about tenn, but much like the first time they'd danced, sung together, had that perfect synergy...
( intimacy is a little newer to him. he has, of course, taken advantage of some of the ways and means where synchrony and manna can be gained--- but it's all been done with one thing in mind: that he holds some even closer to his heart than others. one of which happens to be in front of him, who he has confided in, who he has opened his heart to in a limited manner. tenn might've enjoyed the company of others, a very select few, here in this foreign place... but it's with ryuu that he feels the most comfortable with. that he feels like he can be himself.
it makes his heart feel so warm. so light, hearing that ryuu wants another. that he has always given his all to his fans and to TRIGGER and to everyone that has heard his voice, but to ryuu specifically? he's never wanted anything more.
this may be his birthday, but that just means he can indulge and be selfish himself. )
Whatever you want.
( because he wants to give on his special day. not just receive. ryuu deserves this and much more, however far he wants to go. as he leans forward again, this time he rests his arms on the other's shoulders, reaching around to rest his hands on ryuu's upper back. he captures those lips again with his own, though this time he applies a little more force into it, humming softly and happily. )
[ giving him the unabashed freedom to chase this desire suddenly burning in his veins is dangerous. he's always been the first to let his eager emotions get the better of him, always the first to let his honesty shine out through the veil of stardom, the perfection he'd so carefully learned to cultivate. but this - this is perfect to him just as it is. he doesn't need his sapphire's influence to be affectionate, but his affection still pulses like an oncoming tide the moment tenn's hands settle on his back, when they kiss again. ryuu swears just the lilt of his playful humming is enough to make him dizzy, letting light shapes blossom over the backs of his eyelids when they flutter shut to really lean into it.
synchrony is a powerful thing when let loose to overflow like ryuu tends to do, but his body positively thrums with an excitement that's all his own too. that elation, that love - it was all already there. so much that he's almost a little clumsy with it, finding it difficult to just simply kiss him back with how much he's smiling.
there are any number of other emotions threatening to overflow: a deep sense of trust and belonging, a protectiveness that wants to guard his heart, that wants to make this all his. his once-outstretched arms circle about tenn's waist, tugging him in closer and urging him to climb up onto the mattress, knees first. he will remember the breakfast tray... later, maybe.
later, when he's not wanting to squeeze tenn to his chest for all he's worth, ready to put his lips on every precious inch of his body. ]
Sorry... [ he thinks to remark around happy kisses, skin hot and heart thudding. ] It's just -
( that perfection... that stardom. a weight so heavy to bear when you're not used to it. he wants ryuu to shine, to be brilliant in his own way--- and he does. he should say that more often. that what he does is perfection itself, that who he is brings light to many dark places. that his heart is as fine and wonderful and all tenn wants is to let everyone else see it for what it is. that behind a visage so blisteringly hot is something way better, and tenn would fiercely defend him so that it could stay that way.
the ruby covets. it desires and won't let others have what it wants. and so, in a way, ruby fits him perfectly. no way will he let anyone else near ryuu if he can help it. this only enables those feelings even further, as he climbs on and lets his knees rest against the outside of ryuu's legs. the tray wobbles precariously, still holding all that food, but that's the least of their problems right now. )
... you don't have to say anything. ( because he feels it. the urge has never been stronger, for touch. for affection. for... )
And you don't have to apologize. You can always ask.
( slowly, he presses ryuu back so that he can rest on the bed as tenn splays out on top, lips anchoring them together. )
[ he's vaguely aware of the quiet way the silverware clinks and clatters from the movement up onto the bed, but the sound is so distant when tenn's words are sinking into him, overtaking everything else. ruby covets and sapphire gives; ryuu has always been moved by tenn's perfect cadence, the passionate unity he has between his words and his body. what else could he ever do by be swept into it? gaku had spoken it into existence, but ryuu had felt it in his blood without the need for words at all - tenn is their center in more than just name. his balance, his gravity, the way he makes ryuu feel confident and electrified...
but he's learned how to do that too, how to match tenn beat for beat. they're partners, after all. a deep hum of affirmation rolls in his chest as his shoulder blades hit the mattress and dig in for comfort. arms tightening, he pulls tenn in closer, then up, from straddling his lap to his hips in a drag of bodies that upends clothes and bridges heights.
it's a little shameless, how eager he is in spite of being so gentle and well-behaved with tenn. he just knows him in so many different ways that he can't help but to want to know this too - delicate wrists crossed at the back of his neck, the softness of his mouth and the muscle he's cultivated in his dancer's thighs where they pin on either side of him.
if he doesn't have to say anything, he'll ask in a way that lets this thing continue to unfurl around them, breaking the kiss with a deep breath only to angle in for another, the seam of his lips parting to invite tenn in, to let him explore too. ]
( he will not cheapen the experiences that he's had up to this point; where tenn has slowly become more and more comfortable being with others. where his lips have, for better or worse, touched others. where his hands have felt around and perused other bodies. but with ryuu... this is different. it's like seeing the world in another lens all together; brighter and more vibrant, the sharpness and contrast being dialed up past whatever discernable maximum that may exist. and as ryuu offers, tenn takes: tongue sneaking through, locking their lips together in a way that is almost air tight. how he wants to share the taste of ryuu's earlier labor, to indulge in whatever might have been lingering in the other's mouth beforehand. even if it was nothing, he wants it. what tenn wants...
he really wants ryuu.
a center can't be in the center without checks and balances. invisible weights that keep him from going one way or the other. he needs them. without someone occupying his hands, he could easily be off-balance. he could lose his way, fall off the wire that he precariously dangles from. but no--- he has ryuu. he has gaku. and with them he can't possibly fail. together, they can't.
there comes a moment where he has to break the kiss. to gasp for some air, while simultaneously letting out a breathless laugh. it's relief, a release, a pressure valve being twisted and turned. )
Ryuu... ( he nudges their foreheads together. ) ... I hope I didn't make you wait too long.
[ excuse him, he might never recover from the sound of tenn's laugh.
or any of the other things going on to charm his breath right from his lungs - he's going to think about that kiss for days. intense heat, slick tongue, the tang of strawberry and affection... breathing is really important, so he doesn't protest the absence of it, but his eyes are clear when he opens them to look at tenn, arms settled fondly around his body. for a moment, he just enjoys the weight settled on him and all the little things that come with it: beating hearts, the rise and fall of chests, the slight friction when he steeples one of his legs for balance. it's wonderful.
and his face is so pink by the time their brows meet. tenn probably clocked him instantly, but he can't find it in him to hold back now. he has to laugh too, equally breathless, a little gravelly when his tone dips low. ]
You didn't. I think our timing's always been pretty good...
[ in that there's very few things that ever feel wrong, when tenn is concerned. he gives him another happy squeeze, all but nuzzling his face. ]
( that's how he feels. free. free of what? that's a complicated question. but he's never felt more able to do whatever he wants. even if that thing is to do exactly what they're used to doing. it's just having that choice that makes him feel that he's... not necessarily in control, but knowing that he only has himself to answer to, is what excites him. to continue doing what he does best with TRIGGER, with both gaku and ryuu, fills his heart with happiness. )
To be with you.
( there are no worries, no scandals, nothing that screams inappropriate or improper. he can be with ryuu on this day without some kind of weight on his shoulders that drag him down. the squeeze elicits another bright noise, a mix of a laugh and a huff that has tenn press his lips against ryuu's jaw and chin and make his eyes sparkle and dance with a smile accompanying it. )
[ that's really what it is, in its purest and simplest form. ryuu isn't a complicated person in spite of the life he's lead; giving up coastal winds for the harsh and drenching lights of tokyo should have been more of a leap of faith than it actually felt like. there were difficult days, of course... there were days when he was hurt, times when he was frustrated. it was because of him that they'd lost everything and had to start over. but in his mind, he was always exactly where he wanted to be, doing what he was meant to do. tenn and gaku had given him that, like they were just holding the keys to one another's locks, waiting for them to show up.
like this, ryuu feels that more strongly than ever. they really are a perfect fit. where he'd once been thrumming with the force of his own pulse, he's calmed down enough to just enjoy the natural little touches dancing all over his body. his arms loosen just enough to skirt a palm up the curve of tenn's back, fondly scritching at him through his pajamas. ]
At first, it didn't feel like I should be glad to be away from home at all... sometimes, it still feels like that. But if I'd never gotten the chance to do this...
[ well. he would have regrets, wouldn't he? ]
It feels right. I'm really happy you're here, Tenn.
( he traded a life of tradition, family, and hard work for an occupation that could have some of the lowest lows and the highest highs. a trade that could nourish him in both body and mind, that could certainly keep him happy in more than just one way for as long as he wanted. the one that he found, that he was scouted for, that he decided to walk away from the countryside and come to a light filled place that could be merciless and painful. how could he not be proud of ryuu, how could he not want to make this man the happiest? and so, for tenn to hear those words... it melts his heart. it breaks down barriers that constantly have to be rebuilt. they don't need to be here, either.
perhaps through ryuu's happiness, he can be too.
he says it feels right and tenn agrees wholeheartedly. not with words and not with his hands though he could easily do that too, but with his lips. with his mouth and his eyes. )
I don't think there's anywhere else I want to be.
( on a strange planet, in a strange gem-based world? he can find peace in ryuu's arms. it's home. )
For my birthday, I want you to stay in bed with me. Is that okay?
[ while synchrony lifts the careful walls they've had to construct around their hearts to keep the torrential amounts of love and responsibility in check, like dams, ducts meant to safely route the force of their feelings... ryuu feels as though he doesn't even need synchrony to feel what tenn feels. he's always been attuned to him, even through his most awkward or graceless moments. that pride in their bond swells in his lungs and ryuu swears he can just breathe him in, beat for beat.
it doesn't matter if he'd been alone in a foreign place once, with how firmly tenn flows through those chambers of his heart. but when they're together, he is home.
grinning, he sweeps the backs of his knuckles over tenn's brow to push his bangs back, laying a shallow kiss against his lips. ]
All day. I want to share this day with you, and only you.
( another squeeze, to reaffirm his words. he wants this moment to last as long as possible. what if tomorrow he finds himself without ryuu and gaku? what if tomorrow he's dragged into a place that is less kind, far more brutal, and happiness might be impossible to find? it's why he lives in the now, wants to wrap himself in it, and that ryuu is just the kind of person to do it with. someone that he...
he meets ryuu's grin with his own. )
And maybe some other days, too. If it's okay.
( but first things first. he has to address the tray of food, and though he loathes to do so? tenn slides off of ryuu, moving to lift the heavy tray and place it on the floor. yeah they could ignore it but what if they made a mess... that would be super unfortunate.
it's heartfelt and a luxury both, to be able to spend the entire day like this, awash in the clear colors of synchrony with someone he adores. tenn illuminates him, bringing out all of his best. yet he feels that space in his emotions where uncertainty could live, if either of them let it - even at home, ryuu knew there was no force on heaven or earth that could really separate him from tenn and gaku. coming to lunatia first, and now here... the threat sometimes looms, that one of them could just vanish.
ryuu treasures any time with tenn, but with a tomorrow out of his hands and less certain than he'd like, it makes him all too aware that he would never take this time for granted. so while he feels emptier than ever when tenn lets go to dutifully move the tray, it means they can resume what they were doing knowing they won't fling a tray of food all over the bed.
(because he would absolutely be the one fussing over the laundry) ]
Okay, here I go. [ invited back up, he crawls into the bed proper with a patient exhale, sapphire's energizing manna circling in him, ready to be matched to tenn's again. ] I'll make you something else later?
[ much later, if the glimmer in his eye when he settles against the pillows is anything to go by. ]
( how lucky he is to have ryuu. to have gaku. to have them both here. that he should always count his blessings, to know that whenever he may need someone's support he won't just find one pair of hands but two waiting for him to grab onto. and he would do the same thing for them; by no means would he ever leave them hanging. they deserve his best at any given time and that's why he will always save something in the tank--- even if it means being in danger himself.
as soon as ryuu is up in a more... normal position? he sees that sparkle. his heart flutters. imagine all of the people who wish they could be where he is right now! though he could easily take a spot right next to the other man, it'll probably be more comfortable taking that same place that he did before: straddling ryuu. practically sitting on him, knees digging into the mattress right on the outside of the other's hips.
when he's comfortable, he slides forward--- chest against chest until his face reaches ryuu's. )
You can make me anything you want. ( a gentle laugh as he places a hand softly on ryuu's cheek. ) I know I'll enjoy it.
( an understatement, just like how he feels about ryuu. )
[ their closeness is like a tether to everything ryuu loves. the sensation of tenn's body sliding up to fit with his again is so stunning it makes his insides flip right into the hollow of his throat. there's no diminishing how strongly he reacts to him, breath staying in his lungs and skin racing with a sentimental heat that only tenn can provoke. tenn has always been right there... in front of him, cleaving open their future like a shooting star racing across a night sky, like a sword glowing in an uncertain darkness. yet now he's right here, still in front of him, but just -
close. so very close. ryuu's arms rise to circle around the other idol's slender waist, giving him a little tug upwards against him. just to take some of his weight, to make sure he's comfortable on his knees like this. ]
Yeah, I know. [ ryuu leans his face into tenn's hand, cheek blush-warm and smile even warmer. he turns his head aside to press his lips into the heel of tenn's palm. ] But I like when you tell me what you want, too.
[ it's not as though tenn has ever been very shy about his expectations, but that instance and this one are shaping up to be very different. ryuu has come to respect how fiercely tenn guards what's in his heart, because when he can see it like this, it becomes all the more important to treasure it. ]
( he's fully aware of his breathing, of his heart. of how time slows to a crawl, where he can feel every blood vessel contract and expand. a heat that blossoms from under his skin and all over, from his ears down to his toes. tenn's body feels hypersensitive, electricity dancing along his veins and thrumming with an anticipation he couldn't have forseen. )
I want... you.
( isn't it obvious? maybe it isn't. maybe tenn has never been so direct, wanting to avoid any heartbreak. wanting to avoid future heartbreak, to not be so close that he would experience the same feelings that he had so long ago. it's different when it's not family but at this point, TRIGGER is even more than just family. stronger. thicker than blood.
who he guards... who he wants to protect. who he wants to take with him all the way.
he replaces that palm with his own lips, capturing ryuu's with urgency. with need. he's overflowing with that kind of energy, the kind that has been building up and spilling all over the place. that as he leans forward, he arches his back slightly--- to firmly press his lower half against ryuu's. )
[ it's the kind of kiss that makes him inhale when their lips meet, instinct pouring over into any of the spaces left behind. tenn may always be trying to teach him moderation, but in truth - ryuu has never had to hold back with him. it's part of what makes them so powerful, that unleashing of all his potential, his brightness. with his synchrony in full swing the closer and more honest with their desires they are, it's like tenn's heart is part of his own. ]
Okay... [ his chest is still hitched, voice low between soft kisses. ] Okay.
[ he breathes out against tenn's mouth finally, nose to nose. his body relaxes into the same space as tenn, meeting the heated space between his legs with an unsubtle surge of his hips. it is... lust, yes, but so many other things. ryuu keeps one of his arms secure around tenn's waist and moves the other between them, reaching up to cup his cheek with a reverent affection. he marks the nature of his thoughts with kisses, enjoying the glimmers of manna he feels run through each one. he seeks out all the little ways their mouths can fit together.
only when his eyes flutter open to gaze at tenn a moment does he stop, thumb drawing along his cheekbone. his eyes and his intent are both clear. ]
I'll keep going, then... [ he nuzzles his brow. ] Move how you want to.
[ it's fine if he overflows. nobody's watching but him. ]
( he leads, then. it's obviously something he's used to, but it's a little different in this situation. just like dancing, you move a certain way when you hear a specific rhythm, you know your options and you can pick something without hesitation--- it's inexperience that causes microdelays. those brief pauses of indecision because of not knowing every option, not wanting to disappoint. not wanting to misdirect or assume. tenn may have many things at his disposal, but intimacy is still difficult for him. even those good feelings, that surge of pleasure from the touch of skin and the desire to want more and more from ryuu are tempered by self-made expectations.
tenn again, drags his crotch against ryuu's--- a slight mismatch of height makes it slightly difficult but he does his best. his intent is also clear; the flow of blood heading into his lower half, a lightheadedness making him want to tuck himself deeper against ryuu, to find those places that are warm and waiting for him. that he has to wiggle his waist, to try to work those pajama bottoms off of him. that exposed skin is better for this and that it's inevitable that they won't be clothed for too long, and...
are they going too fast? have they been going too slow? was there even a pace before this? just the fact they can indulge in this is already amazing to him... )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
surprise
but this is a special day.
he's a year older. wiser. another year of living with TRIGGER. with his brother. with IDOLiSH7. Re:vale. the biggest difference is that they aren't home. without their past popularity which had gone through its own rise and fall and a rise again, making this another fall. a descent that wasn't foreseen. on past birthdays? the fans would be relentless: physically, on social media, making their presence known in various ways. things would be sent. delivered. flowers, chocolates, all sorts of things. he would graciously accept them all with a smile.
but this is a special day.
it's quiet. well, for the most part. this morning is not as quiet as the previous ones. no, someone has been doing something--- and the results of that something has crept its way into his room. there is the unmistakable scent of something sweet. something... cakey. very much not a thing he normally expects to grab in the morning, something made with the same amount of love and care that he has come to enjoy. something that he didn't have for the longest time.
he moves to the door. presses his ear against it. smiles, closes his eyes. a short huff as his chest tightens. his heart thrums. tenn feels light as a feather. hand on the doorknob, he slowly turns it before pulling it open--- a crack, to peek out. )
Hello?
( almost expectantly. a piece of the past. at least it will be a face that he wants to see... loves to see. )
heart eyes
Tenn? Are you awake? Good morning.
[ that first greeting comes just as quiet and natural, brimming with heart. it's still so early that he hasn't even changed out of the comfortable clothes he slept in, only throwing an apron over the ensemble so as to not cause any undue damage. or undue laundry.
still, he doesn't need perfection or styling for this, which is an honor that he's gotten more familiar with over the past long months - both at home and here. to be unadorned is something that ryuu has always cherished, a truth that his gentle heart holds to no matter the weight places upon his, their, shoulders. it feels like closeness, like family. standing straight, he carefully picks up his full tray and holds it up proudly, his entire expression lit by his smile. ]
I was planning on surprising you, but I think this works just as well, don't you?
[ a small laugh. ]
i am smitten
it's always good to be remembered. for the small things, for the big things. this is definitely one of the latter. )
Come on in. You don't think I can eat all of that by myself, do you?
( as he opens the door, he reveals his room to ryuu. rarely does he let people inside in the first place; his privacy could easily be considered a prized possession. an old habit for sure. even though his heart has opened up, especially after all they've gone through, it's difficult to not resort to what he's used to.
but he can easily adjust.
his room is neat and tidy, bookshelves with a few scattered ones lining it. there are more photos than anything, other little trinkets from his travels so far. shells from the beach, a flower crown that hasn't wilted. a stone from the temple they first trained in. a ticket and program from their first performance. things that he wants to hold onto as long as he can, memories and reminders of what he's achieved.
as he sits down on his bed, tenn smooths out his already made bed so that ryuu can join him. )
Here...
guess who else is smitten
smile mellowing, ryuu follows slowly, tray still balanced in his hold as he muses aloud in answer to tenn's question. ]
I was going to see if you wanted to try! It is your birthday, after all. [ and why not go all out for something so special? ] But if you need help, I don't mind.
[ he was going to get to cooking up something a little simpler for himself later, but this works just as well. with a space laid out, ryuu gingerly sets the tray down first so tenn can finally have a good look at the sky-high stack of hotcakes and all the sweet toppings.
taking a seat beside him, long legs coming to fold at the edge of the mattress, ryuu has to pause. ]
...ah, maybe I did go a little overboard...?
:3c is it you
it's the feeling of comfort, of something one would never want to live without. familiarity. something that staves off homesickness. trust. reliability. what ryuu represents... it's the best of what he wants. what he wishes he could have all the time. what he can have here and could have back home... but...
maybe it's not having additional pressure that helps, the self-inflicted kind along with the ones placed on him by another person. even if those dreams align and resonate with him, he wants to do it his way. not another's. )
Better to do too much than not do enough.
( tenn carefully pulls a fork off the tray, uses it to cut into the stack--- all the way through. a line of triangles that drips with syrup, strawberry still clinging to the top one, and cream teetering on the edge of falling off. taking a few of the top bits, he's quick to bring the utensil to his lips and then before anything falls to hit his lap, sticks it in his mouth.
chew, chew.
...
his cheeks feel warm. they're probably as red as the strawberries. )
Ryuu? I can taste the love.
( it sounds silly, but it's true. )
it is me (and him)
and he knows him here too, by his side. when tenn says things like that, it's impossible to not crave all of it at once.
but with his gaze rapt on his first bite, his expression dissolves into an instant smile at the appraisal it gets. breathing a relieved laugh, he acts as though he's never had tenn speak well of his cooking before. but to hear he can taste the most important ingredient? it puts him on cloud nine. ]
- ahh, is that so? It took a while to find everything in the markets here, so I was worried it'd come out tasting strange...
[ he'll never take strawberries for granted again. or like, being on planet earth.
but more importantly: ]
I'm really glad. Happy birthday, Tenn.
<333
I'd be a little concerned if you found love in the markets. Who knows what that really is?
( a tightness in his chest needs relieving and soon. a pressure that extends out to his limbs, up to his head and making him a little lightheaded, before going down to the tips of his toes and then returning back to the source. tenn has to stand up. all the while, his eyes still on ryuu. on familiarity, on strength. a rock that he can put his weight on that will support him, with strong arms and handsome features. it's almost unbearable how much he wants to make those all his and never share it; perhaps it's the ruby gem that feeds that need to covet, but...
it's not like ryuu is that far. it just takes a few steps until he's in front of him. it takes even less to bend slightly so that his face could be precariously close to the other's, to his friend, to his partner... )
Thank you, Ryuu.
( ... and then, in order to share some of that sweetness on his lips? he places them firmly against ryuu's, exhaling slowly before pulling back, tongue swiping along as a very brief and hopefully temporary retreat. )
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that's been true since the day he first laid eyes on him.
and though it's not like a kiss is new to him anymore, or any other forms of intimacy that he's become accustomed to and grown to love, the fact that it's tenn casts it all in a new light. he never expected it, though he can't say he's never thought about it - ]
Tenn - [ he realizes he's just sort of been staring at him dumbly, liquid-bright eyes caught on tenn's radiant face. gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips, he lifts his arms out to him. ] ...can we do that again?
[ it almost feels like a selfish request on a day that's supposed to be about tenn, but much like the first time they'd danced, sung together, had that perfect synergy...
just once would never be enough. ]
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it makes his heart feel so warm. so light, hearing that ryuu wants another. that he has always given his all to his fans and to TRIGGER and to everyone that has heard his voice, but to ryuu specifically? he's never wanted anything more.
this may be his birthday, but that just means he can indulge and be selfish himself. )
Whatever you want.
( because he wants to give on his special day. not just receive. ryuu deserves this and much more, however far he wants to go. as he leans forward again, this time he rests his arms on the other's shoulders, reaching around to rest his hands on ryuu's upper back. he captures those lips again with his own, though this time he applies a little more force into it, humming softly and happily. )
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synchrony is a powerful thing when let loose to overflow like ryuu tends to do, but his body positively thrums with an excitement that's all his own too. that elation, that love - it was all already there. so much that he's almost a little clumsy with it, finding it difficult to just simply kiss him back with how much he's smiling.
there are any number of other emotions threatening to overflow: a deep sense of trust and belonging, a protectiveness that wants to guard his heart, that wants to make this all his. his once-outstretched arms circle about tenn's waist, tugging him in closer and urging him to climb up onto the mattress, knees first. he will remember the breakfast tray... later, maybe.
later, when he's not wanting to squeeze tenn to his chest for all he's worth, ready to put his lips on every precious inch of his body. ]
Sorry... [ he thinks to remark around happy kisses, skin hot and heart thudding. ] It's just -
[ he has a lot of feelings, you know? ]
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the ruby covets. it desires and won't let others have what it wants. and so, in a way, ruby fits him perfectly. no way will he let anyone else near ryuu if he can help it. this only enables those feelings even further, as he climbs on and lets his knees rest against the outside of ryuu's legs. the tray wobbles precariously, still holding all that food, but that's the least of their problems right now. )
... you don't have to say anything. ( because he feels it. the urge has never been stronger, for touch. for affection. for... )
And you don't have to apologize. You can always ask.
( slowly, he presses ryuu back so that he can rest on the bed as tenn splays out on top, lips anchoring them together. )
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but he's learned how to do that too, how to match tenn beat for beat. they're partners, after all. a deep hum of affirmation rolls in his chest as his shoulder blades hit the mattress and dig in for comfort. arms tightening, he pulls tenn in closer, then up, from straddling his lap to his hips in a drag of bodies that upends clothes and bridges heights.
it's a little shameless, how eager he is in spite of being so gentle and well-behaved with tenn. he just knows him in so many different ways that he can't help but to want to know this too - delicate wrists crossed at the back of his neck, the softness of his mouth and the muscle he's cultivated in his dancer's thighs where they pin on either side of him.
if he doesn't have to say anything, he'll ask in a way that lets this thing continue to unfurl around them, breaking the kiss with a deep breath only to angle in for another, the seam of his lips parting to invite tenn in, to let him explore too. ]
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he really wants ryuu.
a center can't be in the center without checks and balances. invisible weights that keep him from going one way or the other. he needs them. without someone occupying his hands, he could easily be off-balance. he could lose his way, fall off the wire that he precariously dangles from. but no--- he has ryuu. he has gaku. and with them he can't possibly fail. together, they can't.
there comes a moment where he has to break the kiss. to gasp for some air, while simultaneously letting out a breathless laugh. it's relief, a release, a pressure valve being twisted and turned. )
Ryuu... ( he nudges their foreheads together. ) ... I hope I didn't make you wait too long.
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or any of the other things going on to charm his breath right from his lungs - he's going to think about that kiss for days. intense heat, slick tongue, the tang of strawberry and affection... breathing is really important, so he doesn't protest the absence of it, but his eyes are clear when he opens them to look at tenn, arms settled fondly around his body. for a moment, he just enjoys the weight settled on him and all the little things that come with it: beating hearts, the rise and fall of chests, the slight friction when he steeples one of his legs for balance. it's wonderful.
and his face is so pink by the time their brows meet. tenn probably clocked him instantly, but he can't find it in him to hold back now. he has to laugh too, equally breathless, a little gravelly when his tone dips low. ]
You didn't. I think our timing's always been pretty good...
[ in that there's very few things that ever feel wrong, when tenn is concerned. he gives him another happy squeeze, all but nuzzling his face. ]
How do you feel?
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( that's how he feels. free. free of what? that's a complicated question. but he's never felt more able to do whatever he wants. even if that thing is to do exactly what they're used to doing. it's just having that choice that makes him feel that he's... not necessarily in control, but knowing that he only has himself to answer to, is what excites him. to continue doing what he does best with TRIGGER, with both gaku and ryuu, fills his heart with happiness. )
To be with you.
( there are no worries, no scandals, nothing that screams inappropriate or improper. he can be with ryuu on this day without some kind of weight on his shoulders that drag him down. the squeeze elicits another bright noise, a mix of a laugh and a huff that has tenn press his lips against ryuu's jaw and chin and make his eyes sparkle and dance with a smile accompanying it. )
And what about you?
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Really happy.
[ that's really what it is, in its purest and simplest form. ryuu isn't a complicated person in spite of the life he's lead; giving up coastal winds for the harsh and drenching lights of tokyo should have been more of a leap of faith than it actually felt like. there were difficult days, of course... there were days when he was hurt, times when he was frustrated. it was because of him that they'd lost everything and had to start over. but in his mind, he was always exactly where he wanted to be, doing what he was meant to do. tenn and gaku had given him that, like they were just holding the keys to one another's locks, waiting for them to show up.
like this, ryuu feels that more strongly than ever. they really are a perfect fit. where he'd once been thrumming with the force of his own pulse, he's calmed down enough to just enjoy the natural little touches dancing all over his body. his arms loosen just enough to skirt a palm up the curve of tenn's back, fondly scritching at him through his pajamas. ]
At first, it didn't feel like I should be glad to be away from home at all... sometimes, it still feels like that. But if I'd never gotten the chance to do this...
[ well. he would have regrets, wouldn't he? ]
It feels right. I'm really happy you're here, Tenn.
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perhaps through ryuu's happiness, he can be too.
he says it feels right and tenn agrees wholeheartedly. not with words and not with his hands though he could easily do that too, but with his lips. with his mouth and his eyes. )
I don't think there's anywhere else I want to be.
( on a strange planet, in a strange gem-based world? he can find peace in ryuu's arms. it's home. )
For my birthday, I want you to stay in bed with me. Is that okay?
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it doesn't matter if he'd been alone in a foreign place once, with how firmly tenn flows through those chambers of his heart. but when they're together, he is home.
grinning, he sweeps the backs of his knuckles over tenn's brow to push his bangs back, laying a shallow kiss against his lips. ]
All day?
[ low but lively - a little hopeful. ]
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( another squeeze, to reaffirm his words. he wants this moment to last as long as possible. what if tomorrow he finds himself without ryuu and gaku? what if tomorrow he's dragged into a place that is less kind, far more brutal, and happiness might be impossible to find? it's why he lives in the now, wants to wrap himself in it, and that ryuu is just the kind of person to do it with. someone that he...
he meets ryuu's grin with his own. )
And maybe some other days, too. If it's okay.
( but first things first. he has to address the tray of food, and though he loathes to do so? tenn slides off of ryuu, moving to lift the heavy tray and place it on the floor. yeah they could ignore it but what if they made a mess... that would be super unfortunate.
when he climbs back on? )
Move up here.
( to like, where the pillows are. )
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[ always, more like it.
it's heartfelt and a luxury both, to be able to spend the entire day like this, awash in the clear colors of synchrony with someone he adores. tenn illuminates him, bringing out all of his best. yet he feels that space in his emotions where uncertainty could live, if either of them let it - even at home, ryuu knew there was no force on heaven or earth that could really separate him from tenn and gaku. coming to lunatia first, and now here... the threat sometimes looms, that one of them could just vanish.
ryuu treasures any time with tenn, but with a tomorrow out of his hands and less certain than he'd like, it makes him all too aware that he would never take this time for granted. so while he feels emptier than ever when tenn lets go to dutifully move the tray, it means they can resume what they were doing knowing they won't fling a tray of food all over the bed.
(because he would absolutely be the one fussing over the laundry) ]
Okay, here I go. [ invited back up, he crawls into the bed proper with a patient exhale, sapphire's energizing manna circling in him, ready to be matched to tenn's again. ] I'll make you something else later?
[ much later, if the glimmer in his eye when he settles against the pillows is anything to go by. ]
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as soon as ryuu is up in a more... normal position? he sees that sparkle. his heart flutters. imagine all of the people who wish they could be where he is right now! though he could easily take a spot right next to the other man, it'll probably be more comfortable taking that same place that he did before: straddling ryuu. practically sitting on him, knees digging into the mattress right on the outside of the other's hips.
when he's comfortable, he slides forward--- chest against chest until his face reaches ryuu's. )
You can make me anything you want. ( a gentle laugh as he places a hand softly on ryuu's cheek. ) I know I'll enjoy it.
( an understatement, just like how he feels about ryuu. )
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close. so very close. ryuu's arms rise to circle around the other idol's slender waist, giving him a little tug upwards against him. just to take some of his weight, to make sure he's comfortable on his knees like this. ]
Yeah, I know. [ ryuu leans his face into tenn's hand, cheek blush-warm and smile even warmer. he turns his head aside to press his lips into the heel of tenn's palm. ] But I like when you tell me what you want, too.
[ it's not as though tenn has ever been very shy about his expectations, but that instance and this one are shaping up to be very different. ryuu has come to respect how fiercely tenn guards what's in his heart, because when he can see it like this, it becomes all the more important to treasure it. ]
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I want... you.
( isn't it obvious? maybe it isn't. maybe tenn has never been so direct, wanting to avoid any heartbreak. wanting to avoid future heartbreak, to not be so close that he would experience the same feelings that he had so long ago. it's different when it's not family but at this point, TRIGGER is even more than just family. stronger. thicker than blood.
who he guards... who he wants to protect. who he wants to take with him all the way.
he replaces that palm with his own lips, capturing ryuu's with urgency. with need. he's overflowing with that kind of energy, the kind that has been building up and spilling all over the place. that as he leans forward, he arches his back slightly--- to firmly press his lower half against ryuu's. )
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Okay... [ his chest is still hitched, voice low between soft kisses. ] Okay.
[ he breathes out against tenn's mouth finally, nose to nose. his body relaxes into the same space as tenn, meeting the heated space between his legs with an unsubtle surge of his hips. it is... lust, yes, but so many other things. ryuu keeps one of his arms secure around tenn's waist and moves the other between them, reaching up to cup his cheek with a reverent affection. he marks the nature of his thoughts with kisses, enjoying the glimmers of manna he feels run through each one. he seeks out all the little ways their mouths can fit together.
only when his eyes flutter open to gaze at tenn a moment does he stop, thumb drawing along his cheekbone. his eyes and his intent are both clear. ]
I'll keep going, then... [ he nuzzles his brow. ] Move how you want to.
[ it's fine if he overflows. nobody's watching but him. ]
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tenn again, drags his crotch against ryuu's--- a slight mismatch of height makes it slightly difficult but he does his best. his intent is also clear; the flow of blood heading into his lower half, a lightheadedness making him want to tuck himself deeper against ryuu, to find those places that are warm and waiting for him. that he has to wiggle his waist, to try to work those pajama bottoms off of him. that exposed skin is better for this and that it's inevitable that they won't be clothed for too long, and...
are they going too fast? have they been going too slow? was there even a pace before this? just the fact they can indulge in this is already amazing to him... )
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look not at my timestamps
idk what those are