[ hearing gaku's voice inviting him in, ryuu opens the door and shuts it against quietly. he's brought more water, and a bottle of aspirin - he knows what's up by now, and that gaku's probably in for a hell of a time in a few hours. depositing his items on the countertop, he ventures over to the couch. he's just dressed in whatever he was sleeping in, rolled up sweats and a t-shirt, a hoodie thrown over it all.
gently, he sits down on the couch by gaku's legs. ]
Hey. I'm here.
[ he'll ask questions if he needs to, but he figures he ought to give gaku the opportunity to go first. ]
[Thanks to the powers that be for Ryuu. He looks great, even if he's in his PJs, and Gaku manages a smile.]
Hey. I'm sobering up, I'm just... It's a lot.
[He's drunk enough to laugh right into this.]
I was somewhere else before. I mean, another place like this one, but... not good. Well, not like this. A lot worse. I haven't said a lot about it, but there are a few people here who were there, too.
[ ryuu gives him the time he needs, letting his presence be something more anchoring than usual. he's so reactive, but he knows when to be calm. this situation is so out of the ordinary that he can't help but be mindful alongside curious. ]
I've heard that before. [ eichi comes to mind. ] This place can get pretty extreme, but I've never felt like it was meant to put us in danger.
[Gaku needs it. He hasn't stopped to process that place, like it was just a particularly awful nightmare.]
No, this place is different. That place... they did things to you and Tenn, and I'm pretty sure they killed some people... no, that wasn't my point. Sorry. It's not the important part. Shit, how do I say this? [He can't just come out and say he thinks he has a thing for Tenn. Neither of them remember that place. This is so pointless. He's silent, then he huffs quietly and looks at his hands.] I kind of... accidentally figured out I like guys, too, and it was... a lot. I was freaked out. And then I came here and it was Cordis moon and I found Ritsu laying in the hallway, and I just... caved. I guess. But the thing is, I actually like him... it's scary. What if I ruin his reputation, or get rumors started about him, or hurt him? Thinking about that doesn't do any good, I know. There are a dozen reasons why I shouldn't have done it, though. I'm a damn idiot.
[ that's a lot to hurtle through in the amount of time gaku takes to get from point A to point... maybe E, or F, but ryuu does his best to try and pare it out to get to the heart of the issue. though the mention of being somewhere dangerous enough that people were getting killed is alarming, he understands right now that that's not entirely the focus.
ryuu has a lot of unconditional love, so maybe it seems less strange to him, but he's also never put it under the lens of being allowed to love who he wants as an idol.
for the most part, it was never a possibility enough to factor in. which was fine before, but now... ]
So it was Ritsu-kun... it's because you're a responsible person that you feel that way, Gaku. You have more honor than anyone else I know. Of course you'd take being under the influence of a Moonblessing to heart. Not everyone starts out here knowing how hard they are to control. [ a pause. ] And not everyone is so kind like you are, to question it. But it sounds like it wasn't only that, either.
[ which is a legitimate fear he doesn't want to undermine. he gets it - in his companionable silence, he gets it. ]
[Like Ryuu said, he's honorable. He cares about the effect he has on others. He cares extra because he's an idol. Looking at Ryuu with dull eyes, he sighs. This is hard on him, because he's hard on himself. Because his standards are so high. Because he cares so deeply.
What he did to Tsumugi? It might have mostly blown over, but wasn't he wrong to like her in the first place?]
I should just move on from all that, right? Stop beating myself up because I made a mistake. But here I am doing worse. Instead of learning my lesson, I asked a guy out.
[He looks at his hands, curling his fingers into fists.]
More than that, I even hurt him on the triple moon. I didn't know what to do and I lost control entirely. How did I become this bad of a guy?
Well, if you really like him, I can't see why you wouldn't have asked him out... it's not only the moons doing that, is it? I can tell.
[ gaku only gets this fiery and self-deprecating when something really important is on the line, after all. sighing, ryuu leans back and bumps himself into gakus legs as a way to try and get him to release some tension. ]
It's not just the moons. I realized it the day I made the promo video. That I spend as much of my time with him as I can. So... I took him out for cake, just to see if it was all in my head. We held hands and I don't think I've ever been looked at like that in my life.
[He's smiling now, even if it's a little bittersweet. And when Ryuu touches him, he finally lets the tension roll off, leaning back beside him.]
What a cute picture. You look happy too... that's the Gaku I like to see.
[ so. ryuu hums, thinking on how to get there. ]
I think you ought to trust in what Ritsu-kun tells you, too. But until then, it'd be good if we could figure out how to calm you down during Sanguis. Do you want me to help?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text; 9/23 eaaaarly am
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Gaku? What's wrong?
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Ryuu
im going to fuck this up
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Did something happen? Are you in trouble?
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kind of
it's complicated
Ryuu they're a guy
1/2
You like someone that much?!
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...is there a problem with that?
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tenn's going to find out and kill me in my sleep
i really like him and i feel bad about it
i want to explain everything but i don't know if you would understand it has to do with the place i was before and stuff back home
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Why don't I come see you and you can try to fill me in that way?
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thanks i just got home
sorry ryuu
you're the best
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looks at the time
hm. ]
Anytime, Gaku. Are you hungry? Do you want me to bring you anything?
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i'm okay i think
actually i'd take someone to task for some soba right now
[Comfort food.]
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I'll be there soon. Hold tight, okay?
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Come in, it's open.
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gently, he sits down on the couch by gaku's legs. ]
Hey. I'm here.
[ he'll ask questions if he needs to, but he figures he ought to give gaku the opportunity to go first. ]
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Hey. I'm sobering up, I'm just... It's a lot.
[He's drunk enough to laugh right into this.]
I was somewhere else before. I mean, another place like this one, but... not good. Well, not like this. A lot worse. I haven't said a lot about it, but there are a few people here who were there, too.
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I've heard that before. [ eichi comes to mind. ] This place can get pretty extreme, but I've never felt like it was meant to put us in danger.
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No, this place is different. That place... they did things to you and Tenn, and I'm pretty sure they killed some people... no, that wasn't my point. Sorry. It's not the important part. Shit, how do I say this? [He can't just come out and say he thinks he has a thing for Tenn. Neither of them remember that place. This is so pointless. He's silent, then he huffs quietly and looks at his hands.] I kind of... accidentally figured out I like guys, too, and it was... a lot. I was freaked out. And then I came here and it was Cordis moon and I found Ritsu laying in the hallway, and I just... caved. I guess. But the thing is, I actually like him... it's scary. What if I ruin his reputation, or get rumors started about him, or hurt him? Thinking about that doesn't do any good, I know. There are a dozen reasons why I shouldn't have done it, though. I'm a damn idiot.
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ryuu has a lot of unconditional love, so maybe it seems less strange to him, but he's also never put it under the lens of being allowed to love who he wants as an idol.
for the most part, it was never a possibility enough to factor in. which was fine before, but now... ]
So it was Ritsu-kun... it's because you're a responsible person that you feel that way, Gaku. You have more honor than anyone else I know. Of course you'd take being under the influence of a Moonblessing to heart. Not everyone starts out here knowing how hard they are to control. [ a pause. ] And not everyone is so kind like you are, to question it. But it sounds like it wasn't only that, either.
[ which is a legitimate fear he doesn't want to undermine. he gets it - in his companionable silence, he gets it. ]
You're worried about rumors here too...?
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[Like Ryuu said, he's honorable. He cares about the effect he has on others. He cares extra because he's an idol. Looking at Ryuu with dull eyes, he sighs. This is hard on him, because he's hard on himself. Because his standards are so high. Because he cares so deeply.
What he did to Tsumugi? It might have mostly blown over, but wasn't he wrong to like her in the first place?]
I should just move on from all that, right? Stop beating myself up because I made a mistake. But here I am doing worse. Instead of learning my lesson, I asked a guy out.
[He looks at his hands, curling his fingers into fists.]
More than that, I even hurt him on the triple moon. I didn't know what to do and I lost control entirely. How did I become this bad of a guy?
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[ gaku only gets this fiery and self-deprecating when something really important is on the line, after all. sighing, ryuu leans back and bumps himself into gakus legs as a way to try and get him to release some tension. ]
What did he say to you?
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[He's smiling now, even if it's a little bittersweet. And when Ryuu touches him, he finally lets the tension roll off, leaning back beside him.]
What did he say? When?
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When you asked him out! Yes, obviously. Right?
[ gaku please these are the important details. ]
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Yeah. He said yes. And I'm gonna make it count.
[He pulls out his phone and pulls up a picture, a selfie of the two of them from earlier in the night. He turns the phone toward Ryuu with a smile.]
Look at him.
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What a cute picture. You look happy too... that's the Gaku I like to see.
[ so. ryuu hums, thinking on how to get there. ]
I think you ought to trust in what Ritsu-kun tells you, too. But until then, it'd be good if we could figure out how to calm you down during Sanguis. Do you want me to help?
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